User:ObeyWeegee666/Luigi(article)

Luigi is the best character in any Mario game. Often being obscured by his brother's popularity, Luigi's fandom is growing in number. Despite often getting the shaft from Mario, who somehow always rescues Princess Peach faster(that bastard), Luigi can always come home to his girlfriend Princess Daisy, whose origins no one knows nor really cares about.

History

Luigi was born somewhere in the deep recesses of Nintendo's secret development facilities, about 24 seconds after Mario. After this, they were seperated for a time. Mario began to learn how to plumb from the guy you call when your toilet won't work. Luigi, on the other hand, was rapidly becoming a fatass due to his diet consisting of nothing but lotsa spaghetti, because he would not shut up if his foster parents didn't give him any. Eventually, however, Luigi bought a Wii Fit with money he'd made scrubbing floors in Hyrule, and sucessfully dropped the weight and became himself again. One day, when Luigi was walkin to the local grocery store to buy a six-pack, he saw Mario coming out of a house, who had just finished operating on a pipe that was leaking uncontrollably, which he fixed by stuffing various household items into it. Mario spotted Luigi and said, "Hey you! You look kinda familiar, and you dress the same way I do, except you wear green." Following these truly poetic words, Luigi shrugged, got his six pack, went home, and got wasted. The next morning, during his hangover, Luigi wondered if the guy in red might've been his brother. He called him over, and because they both had the same last name(Mario Mario and Luigi Mario)and age, they decided they were brothers. In that instant, Luigi became a better plumber than Mario. One day, they followed a weird green pipe(again with green)into a horrible shitstorm that torments the body and mutilates the soul, also known as the Mushroom Kingdom. It was here that Mario's addiction troubles began, but after rescuing the princess, he was to focused on having sex with her night after night and was too busy to get any magic drugs. This pissed Luigi off, so the next bunch of times that idiot Princess Peach got captured by Bowsuh, Luigi rushed ahead of Mario and beat him to the princess, which resulted in his being promptly slapped by the princess, who went home with Mario.

Confrontations with Mario

Over the years, Luigi has had his disagreements with Mario. One of their constant arguments is over Mario's use of magic drugs to gain powers. Sure, they give Mario the ability to do fun shit like shoot fireballs and grow bigger(not how you think), but why get addicted to eating fire flowers when you could do it the old fashioned way and have your arms replaced with mechanical ones, which contain flamethrowers? It's a no brainer.

Alter Egos

Luigi is known to have several alter egos, all of which have various relation to that skinny guy in green we know and love called Luigi. Probably the most well-known of these is Weegee(whom is well-known for his mass murder of whatever he sets his eyes on), but that's another story for another article.

On one of his many epic adventures, Luigi picked up an egg. He was wondering what it was(and why it had green spots on it)when it hatched into Yoshi, who promptly called him Mama Luigi. From that day forward(until Mario killed Yoshi by pushing him down a death pit to save his own ass), Luigi's original consciousness was placed in the deep recesses of his mind, and he became Mama Luigi. From then on, he spent all the time with his boi Yoshi, and even carved footballs so they could play outside(which is what all true green dinosaurs strive for....wait, green again?!), and because of his skills at both crafts and games, Luigi was a rather effective mama, at least for a while. RIP Yoshi.