User:Nikau/UnNews:Woman pokes hornets' nest, is attacked by patriarchal
ΟUnNews:Woman pokes hornets' nest, is attacked by patriarchal misogynist hornets
A local feminist activist is currently recovering in hospital after a shocking misogynist attack perpetrated by a group of sexist hornets when she tried to climb into the nest in an attempt to increase female representation in the two foot wide mud-built colony. Last Monday, Anita A. Tention was jogging through a local park when she heard what where obviously threatening noises directed at her originating from up a tall tree, and so Anita made the brave decision to confront the insect responsible and educate them that a woman has the right to feel safe from harassment wherever she goes.
She was then accosted by a group of the bigoted insects and chased around the park for 5 minutes in what was obviously a test of her abilities to see if she could match or better a male, which she did by locking herself in the disabled toilet and leaving a wheelchair bound man to be hospitalized instead.
Unfazed by the attempted attack, Anita took to a crowd-sourcing network to fund her purchase of a video editing software, a black and yellow stripped shirt and some googily children's antennae to put on her head to convince the hornets she was a serious voice within the venomous insect community. She was going to confront the woman-hating invertibrates once and for all, in an event to be live-blogged to all 46,000 and more of her Twitter followers.
Anita felt determined to prove that a woman squirt just as much venom as any male, and scaled the tree to take her rightful place in the hornet workforce. What followed was transcribed in detail on her Twitter account;
- A woman at the bottom. Typical really.
- Halfway up. The hornets are tryin to keep me down like the white male does.
- At the door. HR better have a proactive sex harassment strategy.
- They're in my windpipe, my veins now pump more poison than blood.
- My kidneys failing, my liver frail, my wit... was pretty weak to begin with.
She was then found and carried to hospital by a pair of triatheletes, her body swollen up to twice its normal size and covered in what looked like a thousand nipples. Anita plans to sue the pair for touching her nipples.
However the attack was no surprise to
- The harassment is becoming more intense towards women and other marginalized communities, and it seems to be happening more to women in open fields dominated by flowering plants, and to women who approach the hive with critiques and/or a can of bug spray.
Emma Sulkowicz plans on carrying a fifty pound bee hive in her underwear – to every class, every day – until the bee she says stung her is forcibly moved off campus. Sulkowicz is one of three women who made complaints to Columbia against the same worker bee, who was found “not responsible” in all three cases as the lumps appeared to have been caused by ingrown hair folicles instead.
Late last week, the first state bill to require parks and gardens to adopt an “affirmative consent” model in their pollenation policies passed the California senate unanimously. The legislation, which is headed to Governor's desk for approval by the end of this month, requires the presence of a “yes” rather than the absence of a “no” from blossoming plants - or else the state's parks, gardens and forests will be smoked out and the flowers destroyed to prevent the possibility of further violent attacks.