User:NeoZidane/Controlling Useless Noobs Thing

If you can't be bothered with the long rant, just go to the final line for the thick of it

Consider >this<

I bet your sorry ass an 87% chance you did not laugh at that article, it was either something about Jesus mega 2000 version, or a 5 line """""article""""" ( I am deliberately overusing air quotes) that someone who has no sense of humour, let alone even humor wrote. Admins can toil and boil for ages using their bansticks more often than they blink, but at the end of the matter, there is still an alarming amount of shit to wade through

so what the fårken do we do?

Well there is one thing you need to consider, that most of these people are internet users who come on for 5 seconds, write something unfunny and leave again, no community, no love (sob). These are normally IPs, sometimes registered users if they can be bothered. But they don't care for Sophia like our real citizens do, but obviously us humourous (sometimes) hard-working and contributing citizens are outnumbered by these nonchalant IPs by 100s to 1.

So we have to accept that most people aren't that funny, no amount of banz0rz and templatage could change people's laughing glands. So then what?

• A Hitlerite holocaust of every unfunny person on earth, and I don't just mean banning

This is quite impossible, there are an alarming amount floating around, Bansticks can only pwn so much people.

• More Admins

Although in the short term this is quite helpful, but in the long run, more and more people will continously come here through Digg and whatnot and just stab in and make a crap article and go, or maybe even revisit and crap again, not nice crap either. Admins also cause a lot of that thing.. what's it called... DRAMA

• Jet propelled monkeys navigated by satellite singing a musical rendition of the complete works of Leo Tolstoy*

Extremely awesome this may be, as I want one badly, I fail to see how on earth this can improve the average quality of Uncyclopedia.

• A breakaway wiki, leets and cool rookie noobs only*

Too much of the D word, also impractical and pointless.

Ok I tire of this, my brain is too tired

Basically if it is near impossible to reduce the number of crap here, we should just find all the gems in this crap, and shove them all into a pwetty pwetty box am I right?

Of course you have all these top 10s and Featured Article lists, but those are powered by votes, and votes my friend are absolutely useless, because:

There is more whoring here than the red light district of Amsterdam!

And not just evil noobs, people you'd actually consider good and regular citizens of Uncyclopedia, I wont name names, but you KNOW who you are.

So you could go on about Democracy is better than an Admin dictatorship, but mate, if I see another Jesus mega 2000 powered by Wilde I will explode.

Of course I digress, back to the pwetty box thing, basically we need to be able to compile a collection of good articles, make this box thing a real prestigious thing to have an article in. There are some very obvious candidates from the start, and can provide an incentive to write towards this goal in the future.

At the end of the day, it should be a place where every article is a robust and intelligent (and if is good enough stupid too) example that is enjoyable to read, I'm sick of articles which although are technically good, if no one is laughing or thinking, whats the point?

This would probably be hotly contested over if it ever would be given a go ahead, of course like I said voting is far too corrupt.

It would need a commitee of trusted users (not necessarily all admins) to take articles into this Pwetty box. Maybe if it is nominated using a template, then this commitee can just sift through those and see if it deserves a place.

But to make sure there is no public pressure on this commitee,

Its members should be secret!

It needs to be secret, otherwise the members would be groped in very unsightly ways by users.

But well yeah I think I've blah blahed on long enough.

The gist...