User:Multiliteralist/analtwitmasalmosthere

Peasants, working class, fellow bureaucrats!

Anal Twitmas is almost here - now with even less fun than before!

As usual, there will be no presents, no collection for the poor, and
no decorations. Everyone should stay quiet and decline from holding any big
parties! Be prepared to leave your shopping lists and purses home when you go
downtown to stay out of the big department stores!

Anal Twitmas is almost here - with all the holding back we can achieve!

If you don't want to go downtown at all, feel as free as you possibly can without
disturbing your balance and visit someone who already expects you! Thus, everything
will stay in order and we can continue as if the holiday never happened!

Anal Twitmas is here to keep you the way you would be without it!

If you were planning to commit suicide tomorrow, do it! Only be sure to fill in
either of the necessary forms (A2389B suicide or A2389C fake accident).
If you were planning to make love on Anal Twitmas day, commit the deed - but only if your
aim is to reproduce. Leave your pointless sex moments outside our regulated holiday season!

Anal Twitmas is here because it has so been ordained!

There is no way you can pass this celebration by! It requires nothing on your part -
except for one thing: remember to tell your children about Grandmother Snowbutt and
Sir Fagstorkle Poopface. You will be held responsible if your child grows up with a liberated psyche.

That is all. Continue your daily program in a regular way.