User:Multiliteralist/Style Guide for the Sexy Uncyclopedian

Modern audiences expect Uncyclopedian writers to demonstrate the highest standards of writing when creating or editing articles. In ancient times (pre-2014) pretty much any kind of patented nonsense could be added to the site, with authors not only expecting it to be acceptable but in many cases taking it for granted that the gaggle of babbling simians and proto-hominids that frequented the site would nominate it as a featured article. Thankfully, for all concerned, those backwards days are long behind us: age and maturity have allowed Uncyclopedia to flourish like a fine wine from the former vat of pissy vinegar it once was into the comedic masterclass that it is today.

This Style Guide, far from being a means to stifle creativity, is intended to help both new and established users to focus on tried and tested techniques to improve their writing. Over the years many experienced authors have placed their stamp onto the site. Their opinions and knowledge have then gone into the development and constant revision of this guide, helping to keep it at the pinnacle of internet humour.

An Introduction (a Retrospective)

For many writers the thought of adhering to stylised formats may seem about as appealing as shoving eggplants up your arse. Sideways. We'd like to assure contributors to the site that at most it is more akin to a fairly sturdy cucumber or zucchini, and that a small amount of lubrication might be involved. With that in mind we are proud to share with you the following Style Guide specifically created for the Sexy Uncyclopedian.

Basic writing, Uncyclopedia Style

Lesson one

Everyone enjoys time with their family. What is the best day you have ever spent with your family? Think about the best day that you ever spent with your family. Think about reasons that made it the best day ever! Write a paper telling about the best day you ever spent with your family. Include at least three reasons in your paper that explain what made it the best day. Be sure to use specific details to support each of your reasons. Use vivid verbs and adjectives to make your paper interesting to read.

Example

The best day I spent with my family was when we went out of the house to have a picnic. Picnics are great because you get food and you can be outside. Reason one: I didn't choke on any food. I managed to swallow everything pretty smoothly. I had a reasonable amount of saliva in my mouth; I didn't drool, and the food slid down easily. Reason two: nothing sucked. I cannot come up with any details other than that nothing sucked too vividly. Reason three: My dad fell over and hit his nose on a tree root. Vivid blood spurted out of his nose and he looked like a vividly total jerk when he stood up again. I managed not to laugh so he didn't smash my face blue the way he always does when I laugh at him. What more do you need? It was truly an epic picnic - hence, it was the best day ever!

Lesson two

Have you ever wanted to change the world? If you could change one thing to make the world a better place what would it be? Think about things you would change. Think about reasons you would change them. Choose one thing to change and tell your reader several reasons why it is the most important thing to change in order to make the world a better place. Remember to use specific details to support and explain your reasons. Use interesting adjectives and descriptions to make your paper interesting to read.

Example

If I had my way, I would make the Earth turn at least ten times faster than it does now. That way, my stupid math teacher would be flung into space. He would suffocate there in no time at all! His eyes would just explode out of their sockets and the veins all over his body would burst simultaneously in a brilliant show of blood and pain. Too bad there's no sound in space, but we can always add a sound effect later the way they did for the movie Alien, which is really old. Also, I suppose his intestines would fly out of his arse. His brains would shoot out of his nose like a disgusting soup of blood and worms! If he happened to be flung out on the dayside of the planet, he would also boil pretty soon because it's one hundred degrees Celsius outside of the atmosphere, I suppose. The world would be a far better place if I didn't have to do multiplying tables! The end.

Lesson three

Everyone has a favorite color. Think about what yours is and why it is your favorite. Think about things that are your favorite color and how they make you feel. Write a paper explaining several reasons why blue is your favorite color! Remember to use specific details to support and explain your reasons. Use interesting adjectives and descriptions to make your paper interesting to read.

Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation

As a general rule, we like them.

Common Mistakes

Many contributors to Uncyclopedia arrive from other comedy and social media websites where the ability to write a coherent sentence is viewed as less desirable than it is here. In some cases, aspiring Uncyclopedians have joined the site with little more civilised communications skills other than random facial gestures and arm waving. Over time the majority have managed to master rudimentary Wiki editing skills as well as the bare basics of social behaviour.

Despite this a number of mistakes are often seen. These include:

• Uncyclopedians should always remain formally dressed whilst editing, the minimum requirement is a tie (even when otherwise naked).
• There, they're, their. Never mind.

Advanced writing, Uncyclopedia Style

Note: you are not supposed to read this until you have familiarised yourself thoroughly with the previous sections and written at least one article about your favorite colour, which is blue.