User:Multiliteralist/Internet slang reform

Reform in Internet slang imminent

It's poisoning our youth. DUMP suspects some of the acronyms have hints of immoral language in them, although our specialists haven't been able to crack any of them with any degree of certainty DILDO Decent something

the new, legal acronyms should be lewd and the breakdowns of those decent

I think we could discuss maybe two or three acronyms in the text

giving a couple of unhinged explanations for each

have just quick samples in the table and use as much space as we can for each of the two-three deeper explanations,

maybe even form a psychological theory around each if it starts looking good

how our specialists had a really hard time with ROFL but now it has been broken down to Roost Orgy Filling Lipstick

took twenty man-hours to get to the bottom of LOLPENIS
which has now been translated for ...
Lucrative Obnoxious Lesbian Penetrating Everyone's Natural Instinctive Society?
(we probably won't {see below} use this one but it's a good example)

we wish to attract the reader's attention to the word "lesbian", that seems to form the crux of this mind-rotting acronym.

the leading members of DUMP are fairly convinced this lewd use of language is a way to get our youth to spontaneously develop venereal disease, like the throbbing phallus

dubbed "boner" by the mislead youth

Expressions like OMFG, LOL, ROFL, LOLPENIS, no u, WTF, BBQ (more) will be illegal starting (date)

let's leave out LOLPENIS since it's overtly sexual and if there are things like STFU let's translate it to something like See There's a Fine Urethra. because DUMP cannot knowingly use any dirty language, we cannot find it in the acronyms either. Also, let's explain two examples in the text body and put only five others in the table. It's only a news piece, meant to be read quickly, and we won't have to work out nine-ten brilliant ones

Old acronym	Old expression	New acronym	New expression
ROFL	Ripping Off Field Lubricants	DILDO	Cell 4
OMFG	Orgiastic Mules For Garnish	SUCKDICK	Cell D
BBQ	Before Ballistical Query	CUNNILINGUSMOM	Cell D
STFU	See There's a Fine Urethra	WADSHOT	Cell 4
no u	no urethra	ASSLUBE	Cell D