User:Mrmonkey72/Conspiracy Theories

Bush laughs as he pulls the wool over all you sheeples eyes. Wake up! Wake up and see the truth!

Many things in life are uncertain: we exist in a world where we follow science to try and explain the world around us, and even with all that, all we have left are theories. But even with all the uncertainties that lay around me in my day to day life, there is one thing I am absolutely sure of: the government is lying to everyone about almost everything, ever.

It's totally true, and it's very scary.

It's made even more scary by those of you damnable trusting sheeple who think that the government and all of it's proof, and documents, and evidence is telling you the truth. Did you ever think to look past the thin shield that they present? Ever, once? I didn't think so. I've gone past. I'm better and smarter than you, and I see through the lying. And if there's one thing I'm sure of... one thing... it's that the World Trade Center never fell. The government just tricked us into thinking it was gone.

A little shellshocked? Well, I can prove it. I've got proof.

Observe: Twin Towers. Standing.

Here they are. Upright. Right there.

Look at that picture. As an uneducated and trusting idiot government-slave, you probably don't even know what building that is. Well, I'll talk down to you and let you be in the know. It's the World Trade Center.

Maybe you don't realize what's strange about this picture being here. I'd agree, except for one fact. Look at the day I made this page. It's the same day that I pulled up this picture. And guess what? It's considerably after 9/11.

If 9/11 had really happened, would I be able to find this picture of the World Trade Center online? Obviously, since I just found it, that means it was just taken. I'm not stupid. I know how the internet works. Why hasn't the photographer come out and said that they respotted the World Trade Center? The government's probably killed them by now.

They'll kill me too. That's how much I'm risking to tell you this.

But, as a simpleton, you might wonder to yourself: How did the government manage to hide two gigantic buildings? Well, it's easier than you might think. Read on, sheeple, and witness the truth that I am about to present before you.

They Hid The Buildings Through Holograms

A hologram. Could the government have used these to cover up their evil, shocking plans? Absolutely.

It took me a little while after making the shocking discovery of the still standing towers (you're welcome for that discovery, by the way, you ungrateful wenches) to formulate how exactly our sinister government managed to pull this scheme off. Well, in order to do so, I sat back and watched some Stargate and realized that it was all secretly intertwined.

Observe the picture to the side. From Season 9, Episode 11. In case you missed it, those numbers are 9 and 11, the same numbers that indicate the date of 9/11. Coincidence? Never. All governments leave clues to their extremely thought out conspiracies in television shows and events with similar numbers. You just have to be smart like me and look for them.

So, what's special about the picture there? Well, as you can see, there's a hologram. Which means, logically, that if you could project something to be there, why couldn't you project something with the appearance of not being there? I don't have to be a rocket science to figure that one out. You'd think the government would be more careful, but with some close observations, their whole hidden agenda simply falls apart to my cunning wits.

So, the Trade Center's empty space is just a hologram. So how is it that people are able to walk through? And if the government's operating inside it, how are they walking around inside? Well, this is where it gets technical. Hold onto your heads, because my logic is about to blow you goddamned mind.

It's vibrating!

It's a well known fact that things vibrating super, super fast are impossible to step on, because you will step through the cracks in the atoms. I know, because I studied some science and shit when I attended college for a year. I'm pretty smart, though. It's just that the professors knew I was onto their evil, conservative mindwashing and decided to kick me out. Said I was "inciting people" or "ignorant," but I know what I was really doing; spreading an ugly truth that they just couldn't understand.

Anyway, the government has a lot of smart science people on their side too. And with all their evil testing that they perform on animals (that's a topic for another time), I have no doubt that they've invented a beast, or, indeed, a monster, that is capable of performing this wild vibrating action. Yes, it is absolutely certain: the World Trade Center is being vibrated by a massive ape. Or perhaps a duo of apes.

The apes have been genetically engineered to be super strong, super fast, and super frightening. With his death grip, he is able to constantly move the towers almost as fast as light itself. And just in case someone like me finally reveals the apes, as well as the presence of the towers, the set of massive, masculine monkeys can be released to wreak destruction upon the Earth. So, now that we've determined with frightening certainty how the towers are moving, how is it that all of the secret agents are inside it, probably surveilling my every move? It's simple enough. They're wearing hummingbirds.

I don't think I have to explain that one to you.

Really, though, just think about it.

No, that's... no. That's not what I meant at all. Stop thinking about that.

Okay... closer... no, colder. Alright, go back. Warmer... there! Yeah, you've got it.

Good for you. You're one step closer to the truth.

What can we do?

Now that we know what's going on here, we need a solid plan. Something that we can all do together, to defy the government and their terrible ways. It's a quandary and a difficult solution to reach; after all, obtaining particular materials in order to destroy our government would be hard, and the exact placement of the bombs would take months of careful observation. However, after much consideration, I finally figured out the perfect plan.

Let's all move to Canada. After all, Canada is the best, most perfect country ever.

Sweet.