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“I wish Frank was an only child, not Regis”
“Mama Mia! Hea's Gota Newwa Yowka Aaacisent, Justa Lika I haveagotan Itailana Aaacisent!”
“Well, my son, Regis is a horrible man, he wears clean socks.”
“That man is weird, and they call ME weird.”
Regis Philbin[edit | edit source]
Regis Francis Xavier Maury Phil Montel Philbin born on August 25, 1931 is the son of Bob Barker and Betty White. He is a geek spending most of his life in front of a camera. He is a huge multi-millionaire by being a talk show host, game show host, and gets paid $20,000 a day for pretending to have a New York accent on camera. He has hosted such things as Regis and Kathie Lee Kelly, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Million Dollar (Dollah!) Password, and the first season of Canada's Got Talent.
His horrible early life and career[edit | edit source]
Philbin had changed his name from Barker to Philbin because he very rarely seen his father growing up, except on the game show Truth or Consequences, which Philbin watched every night. Regis did have a brother, as said in a segment in the February 1, 2008 Regis and Kelly episode, Frank Melville James Robert Barker, but he died due to Betty poisioning his baby food when she decided she wanted Regis to be an only child. Philbin also announced that a mulitiude of middle names runs in the family.
Betty Barker divorced Bob Barker due to rarely seeing him, then changed her name back to White. Regis was watched parented by a nanny, Supernanny's grandmother.
Regis changed his name to Philbin because his best friend, Jacob Philbin, was named Philbin. He graduated from the University of Notre Dame, with an unnecessary degree in sociology, which he never used in a career, Barker was mad because he wasted his easy earned money on a degree his son was never going to use. He also entered the US Navy for a while, but he got dismissed for doing behind-the-scenes television and radio side jobs, making him look "un-patriotic." His first low-budgted, cruddy talk show, the Regis Philbin Show, was a 2 minute talk show (they could not afford much film)for a local station in San Diego, California. It was in black and white (did not have enough money to make it like its colored TV counterparts, such as the Elvis Presley 1969 Comeback Spectacular), with Philbin writing his own scripts (they could not hire any staff except for a cameraman, he worked for free!).
The show was quickly cancelled due to low ratings and heavy criticism. Philbin was offered a job by Joey Bishop as co-host of his show (just like Kathie Lee Kelly is of his show in newer prespective, for those of you that don't know what a co-host is.) and offered him $2,000 per day to pretend to have and use a New York accent. ($2,000 in the 1960's was about $20,000 today.)This was Philbin's first exposure on national television. When the San Diego place that still owned Philbin's contract sued Joe Bishop, they got $10,000 and Philbin back. Then Philbin got fired for illoyalty and took over Bishop's show, renaming it the Regis Philbin Show. That San Diego station sued the big national TV guys for plagarism, but lost due to their lawyer being absent, and eating a hamburger at this new-fangled invention called a McDonald's. The San Diego station had to pay $1,000,000 and went bankrupt. (Hey, that was a LOT of money back then, especially for a LOCAL news broadcasting statio.
Talk Show Career[edit | edit source]
Philbin took over Westinghouse Tonight Show from Hollywood when Steve Allen left the show. Philbin didn't act like a complete moron and lunetic like Steve Allen. He didn't act like an idiot like Steve Allen. He didn't act wild and crazy like Steve Allen. He didn't pretend to act like a wild monkey like Steve Allen. He didn't wear dirty underwear like Steve Allen. He wasn't hairy like a caveman like Steve Allen. So he got fired and they hired Steve Allen Jr. Philbin was host of a whole bunch of local talk shows, and they started paying him $7,500 for his New York Accent. Philbin went on the Morning Show. The show had horrible ratings. Then he hired Kathie Lee and the ratings went down even worse due to her being fat. Then they hired an evil Satanic person, named Kelly Ripa. The show's ratings went down to 2 viewers per day because of the Devil's curse on the show. Philbin is contracted to be on the show with that demon until September, 2009, Philbin's glorious end of that horrible show! Philbin got a Guiness World Record for biggest geek, by spending 156,620 hours in front of the camera.
Game Show Career[edit | edit source]
Philbin was the host of many game shows to make Barker and White jealous. He hosted a show called The Neighbors ,in the 1970's, which a female contestant had to guess which one of her female neighbors was gossiping about her. This show was cancelled very quickly, due to it giving a false reputation to the female gender, associating it with gossip. ABC got sued for $25,000 and Philbin for $5,000.
Philbin was also host of a game show called Who Wants to be a Millionaire in 1999, when it started, it had very high ratings and had many millionaires, including John Carpenter, the first. But when Kathie Lee got fired, and Kelly got hired, she put a curse on the show, the ratings went way down and there were no more millionaires, they cancelled the show and blamed Philbin. He also won an Emmy for "Worst Game Show Host" for this show. Then they brought it into syndication, unlike primetime with the original, and hired Kelly Ripa's demon cousin, Merideth Viera. The show has horrible ratings and shortages of contestants, but they dont have to worry about low ratings, because all syndicated shows have low ratings. He was also the host of Canada's Got Talent, a Simon Cowell Cow production, finding horrible amateur talent, for the first season. Kelly put her curse on the show again, and the show did horrible.
This time however, Philbin was offered another season, but he declined, and Jerry Springer hosts it now, he has turned it into a big fighting and argument groud. His New York accent pay got raised to $20,000 per day. He now hosts Million Dollar Password, it gets horrible ratings due to Kelly's curse on it.
Hosting[edit | edit source]
Philbin was the host of a couple of New Year's Eve celebrations, breaking his arm in every single one due to Kelly's curse. "AHH MY AWM! THIS WILL COST A MILLION DOLLAHS TO NEPLACE MY PLOSTETIC AWM!!! I WANT AN ATTOWNEY!!! I WANT A SHOE! I WANT A COPY OF THE GEACO CAVEMAN COMMEWCIALS OWN DISC!!!"- Philbin at the celebrations. He was also the host of the Apprentice 2, Donald Trump paraded beause nobody won. He also hosted the red carpet arrivals at the 80th Academy Awards, he got put in prison due to his curse making several celebrities injured. Philbin made 4 guest apperances in his life.
Guest Appearances[edit | edit source]
1.To The View when it was starting, Rosie O'Donnel wanted the show to have bad luck.
2.At WrestleMania VII commentating on the main event, Hulk Slaughter and Seargent Hogan. Slaughter broke Philbin's leg for getting their names mixed up.
3.On an episode of Spongebob SquarePants, seen as a customer at the Krusty Krab, eating a Krabby Patty poisoned by Plankton, with Philbin dying.
4.On Are You Dumber Than A 4th Grader, flunking and winning $1,000,000 for the Idiot's Charity.
5.On a Burger Queen commercial, eating a Quadruple Bopper. After he had a heart attack and having major surgery.
Writing And Music Works[edit | edit source]
He released several albums. Horrible ratings because he is a horrible singer. Also wrote 2 biographies, each only sold one copy, bought by himself.
Personal Life[edit | edit source]
Philbin is married to his cat, Ashley. He is very obsessive with sports, and his favorite teams always LOSE! He is Semi- Amish, he hates technology. He does not know how to use technology, so he shuns it(except for being on and watching himself on TV). His favorite piece of musical work is "Amish Paradise". Technology is his enemy. He hates TV'S unless he is on them. He thinks technology is biased. He hates computers. He hates telephones. Oh, did I mention he hates technology?
Awards and Inrecognition[edit | edit source]
May 2001: Daytime Emmy Award winner: Worst Game Show Host, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire
May 2001: Daytime Emmy Award winner: Worst Talk Show Host, Live with Regis and Kathie Lee Kelly
2001: TV Guide Best Amish Person Hating us of the Year
April 10, 2003: Receives Star on Hollywood Walk of Lame
August 20, 2004: Sets Guinness World Record for "Biggest Geek"--156,620 hours on the camera July 2005: PR.com "Best Celebrity Sleeping Pill" winner
April 2006: Daytime Emmy Award winner: Horrible Special Class Special, 2005 Walt Disney World Christmas Day Parade with Kelly Ripa (She made it horrible)
April 2006: Inducted into the National Association of Geeks June 2008: 2nd biggest geek (Bill Gates is the first.)