User:Moneke/Redneck
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| Mulletus Y'allae Trailertrashi
Mulletus Boganus |
The Redneck (Mulletus Y'allae Trailerparki) is one of the most common bird species across continental North America. Rednecks are widely distributed, found as far north as Alaska and as far south as Cuba, though most Rednecks are concentrated around small towns south of the Mason-Dixon line. Rednecks are often derided as
Description[edit | edit source]
The common North American Redneck varies from 100 to 500 pounds during NASCAR season too 50 pounds (in some extreme cases) during lay-off season. Most Rednecks suffer from stunted growth, thanks in part to their limited diet.
Rednecks can be distinguished by their distinctive call which varies throughout the seasons - from a loud rasping call of "Aw shit we gon miss th' Dukes" during rerun season too a deeper more throaty call of "Aw Mary-Lou can't we root af'r th' NASC'R" during mating season.
Young male Rednecks are most often seen taking part in competitions with other young to prove their masculinity and possibly secure a mate.
Habitat[edit | edit source]
Small groups of Rednecks have also migrated to the Middle East, these have been met with resistance from the local bird species, Allah's Petrel (Fundamentalis Islamus).
Feeding Patterns[edit | edit source]
Rednecks are generally scavengers, feeding primarily on dead animals.
Life-Cycles[edit | edit source]
Threats[edit | edit source]
There had been talk during the 1990s that Rednecks may even go extinct, but the highly successful Bush Redneck Conservative Program has secured their survival for the foreseeable future. Despite this the Redneck faces numerous dangers from both introduced species and endemic diseases.
Mexicali Jay (Illegalus Imigranti)[edit | edit source]
A darker plumed bird from areas around Mexico and Central America. The Mexicali Jay has been migrating north in greater and greater numbers in recent years, taking the place of Rednecks in some areas. Mexicali Jays are willing to eat much less and scrounge for longer periods of time than Rednecks. For this reason Mexicali Jays have taken the position of Rednecks as pollinators of the Wal-mart Tree, forcing more and more Rednecks to turn to roadkill as a source of food.
To combat the growing invasion of Mexicali Jays there have been calls to build a huge fence along the Mexican border. This idea has been questioned by many as Mexicali Jays are amazingly determined to cross the border, large family groups have even been known to squeeze into confined areas just reach the rich feeding areas of the north.
Deep-Throated Swallow (Faggus Homosexualis)[edit | edit source]
Rednecks are generally touchy around Deep-Throated Swallows as they make them doubt their sexuality. Because of this Rednecks feel the need to assert their masculinity over that of the swallow, best achieved by physically or verbally attacking the swallow. When you hear the call "FAAAAAAAAAGG FAAAAAAAG" it is probably best to stay away from the Redneck lest they start attacking or refusing to stop scrounging for food in your bins.