User:Maniac1075/Resume

EDUCATION Elementary School (1980-1993) Springfield, Elementary (Sober) Crayon Chewing Glue Eating Looking Up Girls Dresses Paper Airplane Making High-school (1993-2005) Six Sisters Of Absolutly No Fucking Mercy Catholic School (intoxicated) Learning the art of felatio Keeping my mouth shut as the priests molested me Learning where to by high quality marijuana College School (2005-2005) (shitfaceblind) Oxford Academy Of Higher Excellence Playboy Centerfold Candidate Strippers Ed Knitting 1.0.1 PROFESSIONAL & PERSONAL QUALITIES Voted Most Likely To Suck Seed In High-School. Excellent Hand Job Skills. Willingness To Try New Things. Can Do DVDA. Can Deep Throat up to 9.5 inches. Happy to work on own or as a team player. I always strive to get the job done within the expected time/deadline. HOBBIES & INTERESTS Masturbating Music Porno Videos Sucking Off My Employees EMPLOYMENT HISTORY Salesmen (door-to-door) (2010) Hoover Sucks Your Carpet Dry co. Face to Face Advertising Customer Service/Interaction Cash Handling Sales Driving Reason for leaving: My sales pitch was once a customer opened the door I would step into there home and throw horse-shit all over there floor and garantee them that if this vacuum cleaner did not pick up all that horse shit, I would eat it. However I did not live up to my word when I entered a new sub division that did not have electricity yet. Volunteer (2008) House of the homeless bums (California) Serving Food Handling Old people Lowering my blow-job fee Kicking people out Reason for leaving: I was fired when I was serving soup and this old dude was taking forever to move along in line after I served his. I simpley said to him, "Come on, hurry up, some of us have home to go home to you know" Luggage Finder (2007) (self employment) Finding Luggage Taking Luggage Home Pawning Luggage Salvage Reason for leaving: Airport security was on to me. Deli Assistant (2006) Bakers DeShite Cookie Making Reason for leaving: I was bored of having my face pushed in dough to make there gorilla shaped cookies. Abortion Clinic Nurse (2006) (freelance) Use of coathanger. Reason for leaving: It sucked the life out of me. Master Chef (2001) McDonalds Spitting in customers food. Painting grill marks on burgers. Reason for leaving: I was told to leave after a 7 year olds party where they made me dress as there clown for entertainment so i made play a game like bobbing for apples only my version was find the french fry in the tub of hot fat