User:Ketchup Boss/UnScripts:Quentin Tarantino's A Christmas Carol
EBENEZER BLACK:You sir are fired for talking to a white customer!,
WORKER:But sir...,
EBENEZER BLACK:NO FUCKING EXCUSES! GET THE FUCK OUT!,
WORKER:cries in the background while running off,
EBENEZER BLACK:THAT'S RIGHT BITCH!,
EBENEZER BLACK:Can't believe he doesn't know that all white people are racist fucks.,
FEMALE WORKER:That wasn't fair!,
EBENEZER BLACK:Will guess what. YOU'RE FUCKING FIRED TOO!,
FEMALE WORKER:No fair!,
EBENEZER BLACK:LIFE AIN'T FUCKING FAIR! GET USED TO IT!,
Ebenezer walks home,
EBENEZER BLACK:Oh shit! Mail!,
EBENEZER BLACK:walks inside house, takes a shower, brushes teeth,and goes to sleep
The Next Day...[edit | edit source]
Ebenezer hears something weird in his house. He awakens only to find the pimp of Christmas past.,
EBENEZER BLACK:WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU BITCH?,
PIMP OF CHRISTMAS PAST:punches Ebenezer in his face
EBENEZER BLACK:WHAT THE FUCK?,
PIMP OF CHRISTMAS PAST:Bitch, I'm here to take you back to the mid 70's.,
EBENEZER BLACK :YA FUCKING RIGHT DUMBASS!,
Pimp pulls Ebenezer back in time to Chicago in 1975
EBENEZER BLACK:The fuck am I?,
PIMP OF CHRISTMAS PAST:In the mid 70's,
EBENEZER BLACK:No fucking way...,
PIMP OF CHRISTMAS PAST:Yes way,bitch,
EBENEZER BLACK:So why the fuck am I here?,
PIMP OF CHRISTMAS PAST:To teach you a fucking lesson.,
EBENEZER BLACK:WHY THE FUCK DO YOU WANT TO TEACH ME A LESSON!?,
PIMP OF CHRISTMAS PAST:See how happy you were as a college student during Christmas?,
EBENEZER BLACK:Yeah bitch?,
PIMP OF CHRISTMAS PAST:Well we want more of that joy don't we?,
EBENEZER BLACK:Like I even care anymore?,
Pimp of Christmas Past pulls Ebenezer to present day
Back in the Present[edit | edit source]
EBENEZER BLACK:That was some seriously fucked up shit.,
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT:What?,
EBENEZER BLACK:Another fucking random person THIS time Caucasian?,
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT:If you think all white people of any kind are racist you fucking nigger,you yourself are racist and I will kill you! But first another lesson.,
EBENEZER BLACK:Fine,holy fuck.,
Ghost of Christmas Present takes Ebenezer to the house of the male employee he just fired,
WIFE OF FIRED EMPLOYEE:Man, doncha cry now like a bitcha! Don't you fucking knowa?,
FORMER EMPLOYEE:I was only trying to be nice, Rhonda!,
RHONDA:Shut the fuck up you pussy boy bitchfucker, I can't live with you anymore!,
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT:See the pain he feels?
EBENEZER BLACK:Fine, if you care for black people prove it then!,
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT:I voted for President Obama.,
EBENEZER BLACK:Fine,but what about other white people?,
Ghost of Christmas Past shows Ebenezer a Caucasian man opening the door for a black female customer at a local Denny's,
EBENEZER BLACK:I think I learned my lesson!,
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST:No no no,not just yet.,
Ghost of Christmas Past returns Ebenezer to his house.
The Gangster of Christmas Future Comes[edit | edit source]
Ebenezer wakes up only to find a gangster with a shotgun,
EBENEZER BLACK:Who the fuck are you?,
GANGSTER OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE:SAY FUCK AGAIN! SAY FUCK AGAIN! I DARE YA IN FACT I DOUBLE DARE YA MOTHAFUCKA SAY FUCK ONE MORE TIME!,
EBENEZER BLACK:I thought gangsters did cuss!,
GANGSTER OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE:Will think again jerk!,
EBENEZER BLACK:OK I'm very sorry!,
Gangster of Christmas Future brings Ebenezer to his former employees grave,
GANGSTER OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE:Guess what? He just committed suicide the day before jerk.,
EBENEZER BLACK:NO! HOW CAN THIS BE!,
Ghost of Christmas Future brings Ebenezer to his future grave,
EBENEZER BLACK:NO! I LEARNED MY LESSON! I PROMISE! I PROMISE I WILL REHIRE TIM AND BE FRIENDLY AND NOT STEREOTYPE ALL WHITE PEOPLE OF BEING RACIST!,
Ebenezer "falls" into his grave,only to wake up back at home in present day
Present Day[edit | edit source]
EBENEZER BLACK:Oh goody...I'm alive!,
Walks to former employees house to rehire Tim,
EBENEZER BLACK:I am so very sorry for overreacting and will rehire you!,
TIM:How fucking awesome! No way!,
EBENEZER BLACK:Yes way!,
All have a royale with cheese at a French McDonald's knockoff,
NARRATOR:And so they all lived fucking happily ever after and Tim never committed suicide.
Cast[edit | edit source]
SAMUEL L.JACKSON:Ebenezer Black
XZIBIT:Pimp of Christmas Past
TIM ALLEN:Ghost of Christmas Present
ICE CUBE:Gangster of Christmas Future