User:Ihavenolife/Bazooka Joe

Militant. Fundamentalist. Revolutionary. Gilbery "Bazooka" Joe has been called many things, none of them completely true. The only thing certain is his history, his actions, and his unsurpassed level of infamy. But the question remains: why?

Background

As a boy, young Joe grew to love explosives, devising more elaborate means of propelling grenades at the neighbors, and their annoying dog Snuffy. At the age of 12, he was sent to military school, where he learned to manufacture rocket propelled grenades using simple cardboard tubes.

After being predicted as a troublemaker, he joined the Army at age 17, to the surprise of all who knew him. He served for a few years before joining the Special Forces, and becoming bored, enlisted in the Navy Seals, the Marines, the Air Force, the Coast Gaurd, and the Peace Corps. Experiencing all the US military had to offer (don't take that the wrong way, he was a perfectly straight guy), he grew bored and joined the British SAS. Bored still, he left to join the Bosnian special forces, the Swiss Army, the Polish GROM, the Canadian JTF2, the Egyptian Task Force 777, the Japan Defense Force, the French Foreign Legion, the Spetsnaz, the ROCA, the Gurkha, the Viet Cong, and the Salvation Army.

Trained under the tutelage of Che Guevara, where he earned an actual eye patch, Bazooka Joe used his military prowess to participate in all the world's wars, from all different countries. He was nicknamed "The Universal Soldier," though he rejected the title as it implied people would not take him seriously.

Bazooka Joe had an odd sense of humor, telling jokes that weren't really jokes, but were enough to keep the average soldier in his company entertained. Some believed deep down he harvested aggression and hatred towards others, but passed this off with a lighthearted and cheery attitude.

Was Bazooka Joe a traitor to his own country? Some say yes. Others see his dedication to an open, worldwide perspective as the most honorable thing someone paid to kill people for a living could ever do. This lead to some conflicts, of course, as Joe was forced to fight the US as a Somalian warlord on more than one occasion. Some believe he was trained by the CIA to fight his own people, others say he was a Russian operative impersonating a man trained by the CIA to fight his own people, and others believe he was a CIA agent who trained himself to look like a Russian operative who was trained by the CIA to fight his own people.

Strangely, Bazooka Joe refuses to retain any age or military rank as he enlists in a new country. He starts at the lowest rank, grows increasingly bored, and moves on. Bazooka has served in the military forces of over 86 different countries throughout the world, including Antarctica.

His current whereabouts are unknown.