User:Hrodulf/Kim Jong Il kicked out of Hard Rock Cafe for violating longstanding rule against bringing nuclear weapons inside

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

20 October 2006

(North Korea) Kim Jong Il was frustrated earlier today when he was asked to leave the local Hard Rock Cafe for flagrantly violating the "No Nuclear Weapons Allowed Inside" rule.

Mr. Kim was apparently unfamilar with the longstanding policy, causing him to lose face among the people listening to Bohemian Rhapsody by the bar

The unfortunate incident occurred during Mr. Kim's 29th birthday party (the latest of several 29th birthday parties for the dear leader). While he was waiting by the bar for a seat closer to Keith Moon's drums, bartender Sheila McCort happened to notice the modified Teller-Ulam fission device he was carting along with him in a wheelbarrow.

While Mr. Kim protested the removal in writing after being forcibly ejected, citing that he had the right to bear arms, the restaurant main office refused to apologize or change its policy, saying that "We only have two rules. If we give Kim a break on this, people will think this is some sort of joke and before you know it, every one of our restaurants will be full of nuclear weapons. We cannot allow a future where Hard Rock Cafe patrons have to worry about getting into a tense situation that could escalate to nuclear armegeddon. People who want to get themselves in that kind of trouble can do so outside of the Hard Rock Cafe. All we ask is that they leave our patrons in peace to eat overpriced food while looking at a guitar that Jerry Garcia may possibly have looked at one time. We think."