User:Fishalishalish/Dinosaur Penis Soup
Dinosaur Penis Soup is a delicacy indigenous to many parts of Southeast Asia. It is noted for its uniquely tender texture and praised for its bonerific health benefits.
History[edit | edit source]
The harvesting of these magnificent, ancient schlongs was not unknown in many parts of the world prior to the 1700s. In Eastern Africa and all throughout Asia and the Americas wild dinosaur herds were once plentiful. Nomadic tribes who lived in close proximity to these creatures often followed them on foot while others, particularly those of modern-day Papau New Guinea and Cambodia, eventually had them domesticated. Ancient Indonesians are believed to have been the first to bring these domesticated breeds to the Australian continent sometime around July of 1061 B.C. For some period of time, dinosaur penis remained Australia's most popular dish.
While primarily an Asian delicacy, dinosaur schlong is believed to have been consumed by the Mayans. In fact, one of the earliest cookbooks known to man was written during the Mayan empire and speaks of a kind of dinosaur bisque served with a light green chile vinegrette and extra breadsticks on request.
The Mongolians were another group known for their largely penis-based cuisine. Travelling on horseback, Mongolians roamed thousands of miles across the Asian steppes chasing herds of Velociraptors who, in turn, chased the various cattle that occupied of the region. Very rarely did the ancient Mongolians eat cattle themselves, preferring the much more succulent meat of dinosaur and drinking dinosaur milk.
The first European to experience dinosaur penis meat was a Spanish man named Frank, who didn't really like it. The culture that prepared it soon ceased to exist.
Eventually, however, by the mid-1700s, large shipments off the stuff began returning to Europe on the ships of English merchants, seeing as the aborigines had nothing of value to offer, really.
Dinosaur penis then took the western world by storm. Originally seen as a silly dare among members of the French court, (along with eating snails, of course) dinosaur penis eating became a popular fad by the 1760s, mostly because it was delicious[citation needed]. A prolific amount of classic French recipes spawned from this time, among them, Ratatouille, which initially called for several pounds of Allosaurus junk. Unfortunately, however, importation of this delicacy became an enormous hassle as no one wanted to do it. Attempts were made to breed dinosaurs in the warmer climates of Corsica and Sardinia but this soon failed as everyone forgot to feed them. Eventually, economic collapse as a result of inflation of the dinosaur penis market became one of the primary factors behind the French Revoultion. In France, dinosaur penis became generally frowned upon as a symbol of the privileged upper classes while the English began ignoring this delicacy in favor of processed cheeses.
Cultivation[edit | edit source]
Though most wild populations have since become extinct, certain tribes in Cambodia and Laos continue to live with domesticated breeds.