User:Eris stole my homework/Awesome
Awesome is the extract from the petals of the rare Aurora Awesonia flower that grows only in a remote area in Tibet. All attempts at manual cultivation of the Awesonia flower has failed.
The flower blooms only once every 103 years, and is hand picked by a small order of blind Buddhist monks. It is then dried for 60 years, surrounded by 12 constantly mediating monks. After that, it is dissolved in pure spring water, and the distillate of this water, 3% pure awesomeness oil, is hand carried to a lab in Munich, where it is repetitively purified into finally to 99.7% Awesome. It is so pure, that it evaporates immediately if exposed to air.
The flower can also be used to produce low grade Epic.
Hazards[edit | edit source]
Awesome is a weak oxidizing agent and slightly corrosive. It is not poisonous, but ingestion may cause irritation and vomiting. The main hazard with awesome is it's extreme volatility. Even the slightest amount of awesome left out in the open may burst into flame without seemingly any cause. Awesome is often attributed to cases of spontaneous human combustion: These are simply people who have unknowingly gotten awesome on their clothes. The volatility of awesome has worked it's way into people's daily vocabulary, people often say things like "Dude! You're on fire!", meaning you are awesome.
In recent years, the government has taken decisive action against the presence of awesome, in a campaign commonly referred to as the war on Awesome. A government agency, the Bureau of Awesome and Epic Control (BAEC) has been founded to provide around the clock protection against the menace of Awesome. The penalty for unlicensed handling of Awesome has been increased from small fines or weeks of jailtime to millions of dollars of fines and decades of jail time. The police has conducted a series of sting operations, trying to combat the illegal trade in Awesome. This has raised controversy, since some claim that the right to Awesome is constitutionally protected. This issue is predicted to dominate the 2008 presidential election, pushing aside more controversial social issues.
Fires caused by awesome[edit | edit source]
- The Great Fire of London.
- The Great Chicago Fire.
- The Firestorm of Dresden during WWII.
- The Hindenburg disaster.
- The recent forest fires in California.