User:Denza252/Dungeon siege 2

Dungeon Siege II game case

Developer = Ass Powered Games

Publisher = Microsoft

Distributor = Best Buy

Designer = Kevin LambertPC Gamer Podcast. Interview with Chris Taylor.

License =

Series = Dungeon Siege, what else would it be ya twat?

Engine = Custom v6 3.2L direct fuel injected turbocharged engine with Nitrous Oxide boost modification

Version = 2.20.0.3822.387498729837429370

Released = Never because nobody cares

Genre = Action role-playing game

Modes = Masturbation (single) and Orgy (Multiplayer) modes

Ratings = M, for MANLY

Platforms = Microsoft Windows

Media = 4 CD

Requirements = Windows Vista SP1 or higher, 5.0 GHz CPU, 256 GB RAM, 400 TB Free HD Space, 40000x Deth-Ray, Ati or better/ nVidia amd Graphics Destroyers

Input = Mouse Keyboard

Game

Dungeon Siege II is a craptastic game with no redeeming value whatsoever, and will probably destroy your mind if you try to finish it. Made by Micro$oft, and Ass Powered Games.

Plot

The game begins with the protagonist, controlled by you and his homosexual elf fuckbuddy, Drevin, serving as mercenaries in the army of Valdis, a big douchebag who has aligned himself with a race of Fucked Up Wizards and wields the magical Sword of UncycloWikia. The player character and Drevin are ordered to capture a temple held by dryads, who seem to be the equivelent of furries for tree huggers. After the temple is captured, Valdis attacks the mercenaries, calling on the plot twisting powers of M. Night Shamalan. Drevin is raped, tortured, and killed but the player character is only knocked unconscious, because how else would they continue the story, you fucking retard? The player character, aka you regains consciousness in the bdsm style bondage of the dryads. Rather than sexecute him, the dryads force the playa to earn his freedom by helping them in the war against Valdis. After he steals his freedom, he discovers that he is infected with the Plague, a mysterious plot device created by the Fucked Up Wizards that drives its victims to bat shit crazyness. After being cured by the "holy" and delicious water from an Elven shrine, he feels like hitting up his crapsack hometown's hoes. On the way back to his hood, the player character rescues an old man from Bat Fuck Insane tree furries. The old man then describes an event called the Great Goa Tse, caused when the Sword of UncycloWikia that Valdis wields struck a magical shield called the Shield of the New Uncyclopedia. The slice shattered the shield, causing a catastrophe that ended the First Age of Wilde. Valdis hopes to cause another such Goa Tse by gathering the shards of the Shield of the New Uncyclopedia so he can shatter it again. The old man then explains the Bat Fuck Insanity, saying that it is caused by crystal meth created during the Great Goa Tse that give license to the souls of Zaramoth’s army to possess/fuck up the living. After the player character returns home, he begins to gather the pieces of the shield himself so he can use it against Valdis. After he gathers all of the pieces, he takes them to the Agallan giants so that they can re-forge the shield. As they re-forge it, they place a plot device in the center of it for added durability. This other plot device had previously been worn by Drevin; he gave it to the player character before he was raped, for some reason that I can't remember, something to do with ale... With the shield re-forged, the player character travels to Valdis’ stronghold known as Zaramoth's Cock. The shield protects him from the Fucked Up Wizards, but the battle with Valdis himself proves to be a stalemate until the old man OMGLOL PLOT!!!! appears and takes the shield from the player character. He gives the shield to Valdis, revealing that he is the most Fucked Up Wizard of them all. Valdis tries to asplode the shield with the Sword of UncycloWikia, but when he strikes the shield, his sword shatters instead. Valdis and the player character resume the battle, in which Valdis is killed, because, it ain't a shallow ass plot unless the hero generically wins. BUT THEN, MOAR PLOT

Gameplay

The gameplay is exeptionally innovative, involving using a mouse to point and click places. Even attempting to explain the precise mechanics will make your proccessor melt. I mean, who would have thought that you would need 20 goats, a TARDIS, a copy of Bill Gates will, the hair of a you, and some other stuff that even I can't remember. The Genius programmers made sure you need at least 34 gamepads, due to the number of hotkeys needed to play the game, and by play, I mean not die within 30 seconds of playing the game. The programmers, all sadists, designed the game so that if you try to make anything easier to do, your computer will BSOD, and a professionally trained Microsoft grue will come to eat you and your computer. as quoted by the late Oscar Wilde:

“Its much easier to find a snipe, than try to figure out this tomfoolery!”

~ Oscar Wilde

But this is all a bit too forwards, first, you need to FIND, a copy of the game. This can be hard, as it was A: never released, B: Even the pirate bay doesn't have it. If you want to get it, you have to take the Microsoft Games Studio/ Mircosoft Games Division Application Form, perform a few favors for Bill Gates, like sabotoging Apple, Google, Oracle, or Samsung. (What were you thinking GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER) Then, after joining the Microsoft Games Division, kidnap a few devs from Ass Powered,and Chris Taylor. Then, program the rest of the game, so that it is finished, but make sure that you can't advance past one point in Veteran (Medium Difficulty) mode, until you buy the free patch from Microsoft. After the game is finished, then make sure you make it incompatible with anything under the "minimum" requirements, and overload any video card less powerful than a nVidia GTX 580, 590, 670, 680, 680 special edition, 690, 690 super overclocked liquid cooled quad gpu special edition TITAN SPECIAL EDITION. (Make sure you overclock it to 3498204932.3423 petahertz, and have liquid gold cooling system.)