User:DJ Irreverent/Sigmund Fraud
Sigmund Fraud is, put simply, the art of making money out of saying absolute bullshit - this is not to be confused with Scientology. Put more complexly, Sigmund Fraud is the delicate art of listening to people's feelings, emotions and dreams, interprating them, explaining what they might or might not mean and raising your hourly rate each week.
The Over-pay-us Complex[edit | edit source]
This technique is very subtle yet very effective. Try to shift all the blame for your subject's embarrassing sexual perversions away from the internet and towards their parents. This is very easy, simply seed the subjects thoughts with the idea you are trying to convey; this can be in the form of a passing comment, joke or via interpretive dance. Here are some good examples;
SPAM Email - Though not foolproof if you email enough of these to the subject's in box it will overload the SPAM filter.
| “ | Boost your sexual strength in 15 minutes!
Want to be a perfect lover? Want to boost your sexual power twice? Viagra, Cialis, Soma, Levitra and Human Growth Hormone medications all failed you? Looking for a way other then Viagra, Cialis, Soma, Levitra and Human Growth Hormone pills??? Well there is no cure, idiot!!!! Blame your father for all the incurable intimate problems in your relationship!!!! Click here for discount therapy!!! |
” |
The Yo Momma Joke - Perfection, in a word.
| “ |
Subject: I had another one of those dreams again... the one with the honey and the leather... and the big hairy guy with the whip... You: Yeah... that... wanna hear a joke? Yo momma is so bad a parent, she is to blame for all your mental problems! Subject: Even the pineapple thing? You: *shudder* Sure, why not... |
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Etch-a-sketch
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Gradually the subject will start despising their parents and will turn to you for support, creating a permanent flow of money from their pocket to your Swiss bank account*. Soon you will have padded your resume enough to move to the Bahamas, alongside other successful Fraudians!
*Please note that we are not liable for any murder trials or incestuous activities that may result from this tactic.
Fraudian Slip[edit | edit source]
Otherwise known as a bribe