User:Crazyfulla/The next box

“I spent my money on this piece of shit, WTF?!?”

~ Oscar Wilde on Nextbox

xbox

if you hate nextboxes maybe you should read this instead.

Attention <insert name here>

I command you ..yes you <insert name here>! ...to buy one or you will die a bad death or somthing... ... (crap im out of ideas) ... <insert name here> sucks!!

The Next Box

The "nextbox" is a console failure with 32 bit graphics no wonder it was a disgrace.

The "disgrace" of a console played all of its games at x4 speed. Its sounds were mindblowing (literaly) and pictures.... imagine 32 bit colour at 4x the speed this should be in one of the worst ways to die

Games

The games for the nextbox includes

• Halo -5
• Sonic the "know it all" hedgehog -2
• Harry potter's spelling challenge
• E.T 2: The revenge of the pit
• Spongebob krump pants 3
• Super crazy happy mental mario brother's tetris
• Save the trees the official videogame
• Burnout junkyard
• Rugby 1985
• Jizzlam For All,Yea It Hurts
• Back to the future 4 no time travel for you
• Bad dudes 7
• You got pwned
• oddworld abe's nexoddus
• grand theif auto jailbreak
• nextbox kart
• snail racer
• pac man
• shoot <insert name here> game
• your mom
• tetris 35784.39v.1/AWP
• elvis the video game
• food fight
• food fight 2
• food fight 3
• food fight 4(game saga was too crap so they melted them and made cellphones)
• Another Castle® the offical videogame
• where is 24?
• Tony Hawks Marathon Call of Left 4 Beautiful red Gears of Fallout 3 ODST Theft Auto Space Effect Hero

What else can it play?

Its backwards compatible to consoles that aren't even related to it such as.. Nintendo ds, gba, gb colour, gb, sega gamegear, commodore 64, nintendo 64, snes, ps1, polystaton 1,polystation portable and more.

Yay!... But the xbox can play nextbox games WTF! The graphics are also badly defected and so are the sounds, the game play etc, etc...

Price

If you want one you can buy it for $500.00. It comes with a free cookie monster action figure. The Price seems reasonable as the polystation portable retails for an arm and a leg.

Power supply

This console is run entirely on 6 AA plutonium batteries. ($70.00 each) The controller is run on 1 9V plutonium battery. ($50.00 each) The controller's battery life is about 17 minutes then it needs to be charged for about 3 hours, or you can just throw it out the window(no really just throw it out the window it's a piece of shit). The batteries will react to the vibration in the controller making them reactive. Pressing the red button when the batteries are reactive will result in this...

Don't press the red button

All you noobs need to look at the picture oh and other people can look there too

The controller

Ha ha ha you should see the controller. It weighs about 1.5 pounds, has about 70 buttons, 5 thumsticks, 4 triggers, 1 large joystick and a record player on the back which is usually broken during shipping

look at it its a piece of shit

since the controller vibrates like an earthquake the controller always disconnects every time you try to masturbate and the record gets scratched resulting in a short circuit that causes Google to crash. Thais just makes the controller f***ed up.

Controls

let me tell you a little bit about the buttons The a-z buttons

• A button: makes the character jump
• B button: makes the character die
• C button: makes the character fart
• D button: makes the console eject it's disk
• E button: makes the console turn off
• F button: makes the console send an electric pulse into Your house's electical system and creates a power cut
• G button: makes the character say bad words
• H button: makes the controller vibrate
• I button: all of the above
• J button: creates a mirror universe
• K button: disconnects all controllers
• L button: press this button to corrupt the hard-disk
• M button: press this button after completing and maybe, just maybe it may save.
• N button: makes you house go boom
• O button: makes a pie
• P button: makes a dead
• Q button: makes music play VERY LOUDLY!!!
• R button: makes WMDs
• S button: falls of keyboard
• T-Z buttons: all create new consoles

Other features

You can link up to 4 nextboxes to play 16 player. Some system link games have been released but the have been deemed "too crappy" for public use so system link has been made pretty much void. If you connect the nextbox to a phone jack you can play "nextbox live" The new and improved "self destruct button" now works after firmware update shit.crap.fuck, and many updates with be available with update d^M#.WTF.h%$l.

Nextbox live

The great invention of nextbox live... bringing people from accross the world together in peace and... ... ... LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG LAG

"YOU HAVE BEEN DISCONNECTED FROM NEXTBOX LIVE"

Next Box 360

Its due date was last year but as the finished product is in your local dump with nes and sega master systems. If you don't think im telling the truth go check. The Next Box 360 includes a built in HD-DVD player, which was the newest technology when the console was released.

Failures

The Nextbox also has a achievement system called "failures" if you do certian things the failure will unlock. all failure have points these points are called Lamerscore which shows on your lamercard the score itself wipe memory from the hard drive.

There are also Failure that are built in to the console such as...

• Copyright issues: download a game onto the nextbox = 7L
• Video freak: watch 10 dvds = 5L
• I'm so turned on right now: turn on your console 4,444 times = 4,444L
• Disco inferno: set the console on fire. = ruined console

See also

pac man

your mom

shizzle