User:Charl3(s)/The Scientology Test: Are You Gullible And Wealthy Enough To Become A Scientologist?

Question 1

Are you wealthy? (If answer is no, and you are NOT a lawyer- WE NEED A LOT OF THOSE- then stop doing this test. You can only dream of becoming a Scientologist).

Question 3

Have you had a formal education, that is to say, can you even count properly? (The less education you have had, the better.)

Question 4

Are you extremely gullible, and liable to believe any bullshit we may tell you?

Question 5

Would you believe us if we told you that the word gullible has been removed from the dictionary?

Question 6

Would you believe us if we told you that your highly learned, Phd-possessing doctors' opinions about your health, and the treatments he has been giving you, are in fact a load of bullshit, and that our "scientifically proven" methods are in fact better? (Albeit, a lot more expensive.)

Question 7

Would you be willing to pay large amounts of money to take part in our TOTALLY UNDERPRICED brainwashing auditing sessions WHICH ARE TOTALLY SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN TO WORK. (Please note, you will be required to tell us about all of your embarrassing or negative moments, so that in the inevitable event of you wanting to leave The Church, we will be able to blackmail you into staying with us, or at the very least, character-assassinate you so that anything you say against us could just be taken as being the ramblings of a crazy-person.)

Question 8

Would you be willing to make shit-loads of weekly donations- WHICH ARE TOTALLY FOR A GOOD CAUSE- to The Church, to help it it in its endeavours to PURGE THE HERETICS, DESTROY THE MUTANTS, KILL ALL ENEMIES OF THE CHURCH! (and, naturally, exact more "voluntary" funds from those "willing" adherents who probably could afford to donate more money to us than they would like us to think...)

Question 9

Would you be willing to suffer the consequences of failing to keep up your weekly payments to The Church. (Consequences which may include having your house repossessed by The Church, having several of your organs removed and sold, and/or becoming a slave-labourer to help complete the various underground vaults The Church is building...)

Question 10

You will be required to donate the following organs to The Church should you eventually (inevitably) fail to keep up your weekly monetary payments:

• Heart
• Lungs
• Brain
• Kidneys
• Liver

Do you concur?

How You Fared

• Nine out of nine questions answered correctly- With a start-up deposit of $100, 000, and three further payments of $50, 000, you may just be able to join The Church, and become a fully fledged Scientologist.

• Seven to Eight Questions answered correctly- With extra brainwashing auditing sessions, and further payments in excess of $1, 000, 000, you may be able to become a Scientologist, albeit, a second-class one. (Naturally, The Church needs all of this money to help it invest in such buildings as underground vaults or underwater structures, so that when the inevitable nuclear war breaks out, and the glorious radioactive thunderbolts of Death fall like gentle summer rain across the human cities, we Scientologists will be safe in our invulnerable atomic bunkers.

• Less than seven questions answered correctly- You are much too intelligent/not gullible enough/poor to ever hope to become a Scientologist, you filthy human. You mark my words, earthling, it won't be long until We, The Scientologists, rise up from the ashes of your desolated race and make the greatest Scientologist Empire the galaxy has ever seen. Those of you that survive will become our slaves. WE WILL RETAKE OUR INHERITANCE AS THE RIGHTFUL RULERS OF THE GALAXY! Just you try to stop us!