User:Brianbaker
About[edit | edit source]
Brian Baker was born on Friday 13th November, 1890. He was born to Joseph Baker, a farmer, and a woman known only as Vicky. He became an orphan soon after, when both were killed in a horrific accident involving a chicken, a horse carriage and a bucket of manure. He attended Hogwarts School in 1900, studying Witchcraft & Wizardry, gaining a distinction in Expelliarmus, but left soon after due to expulsion. Brian then decided to teach himself the ways of life, by helping others. At the age of 19, he left for Africa, to pursue a career in building houses for the orphans there. After single-handedly building (according to some reports) up to 523 wooden shacks, he left Africa, and returned home to Britain.
Back in the UK, he decided to follow his "true" path, applying, though unsuccessfully, for MI5 for ten years. When they finally did accept him, he was appointed as the official 'Tea Pourer' for the 'Cleaning' department. He slowly worked his way through the ranks, finally becoming 'Keeper Of The Milk' at the age of 57. His life goal was complete. Unfortunately, soon after this, he was fired for repeatedly asking the CEO if he could meet James Bond.
But he was not satisfied with this. At the age of 73, he decided to leave and become a scientist, working as a pioneer on the field of nuclear fusion. If successful, he could revolutionise energy as we know it, saving the entire world from global warming.
During his time as a scientist, he has become something of a local celebrity. Pupils at Universities he visits often stop him in corridors to ask for an autograph, and the interviewer for a national newspaper frequently asks for an interview, but is always rejected. His catchphrases have become synonymous with the man himself, and the two are so tightly intertwined that they are indistinguishable. See 'Popular Culture'; for more information.
He is well known throughout history for having many famous affairs. High profile women such as Dame Judi Dench, Amy Winehouse and Madame de Pompadour are thought to have had relations with this high profile man.
Popular Culture[edit | edit source]
Baker Bingo
Brian Baker is the subject of a version of the popular 'Bingo' game at the institutions he visits. Called simply 'Baker Bingo', it involves a player writing down six of his famous catchphrases, and then, when he says a catchphrase, this is crossed off. When all six have been said you are the winner. The complete rule list can be seen below:
RULES: 1. Right at the start of any lecture with the legend himself, make a grid with six squares (nine if its a double lesson).
2. Fill in the grid with six things that he's most likely to say, e.g "There will be no noise!", "I'm going to have to chuck you out" and "Bring me your diary!"
3. Cross off each box as he says them. The first person to cross off all their quotes wins!!!
4. If a quote is said three times, you shout "Bakerloo Line".
5. A maximum of two out of the six 'Bakerisms' are allowed to be peoples names.
Catchphrases[edit | edit source]
Brian Baker has a list of phrases that he repeats many times during each of his fascinating and enthralling lectures. They are often used for comedic effect, sometimes for humiliation. However, all of his catchphrases are famous around his followings, known by almost everyone, and he frequently gives speeches just made up of his phrases to the entire entourage.
It is believed Brian has created this list over the past centuries, culminating in a variety of humorous and classic phrases known today. The complete list is below, numbered for easy reference.
1. There will be ... No Noise!
2. Shut Up!
3. I'm going to have to chuck you out and you will leave
4. Right!
5. Any worries?
6. David!
7. These people see me at the end!
8. Erm...
9. Ammeter!
10. Do you have parents?
11. You will have to go to the reception area!
12. Bring me your diary!
The Man Behind The Mystery[edit | edit source]
It is unknown whether any of this is true. In fact, it is all speculation. Does any one know Brian - the man behind the science? Can anyone identify who he really is? No ones really certain, but we'll keep searching for an answer anyway. Does he actually exist? Or is he just an icon - a symbol of what being a scientist really means? No one knows.
Brian Baker - A Legend.