User:Black flamingo11/MissingNo.

MissingNo. is a rare coastal bird of the genus Pokémon. As one of the rarest creatures on Earth, the bird is noted for the various legends and hoaxes that surround it, as well as its unique plumage. Few have seen it, fewer still have lived to tell the tale, and even those who did are usually dismissed as bullshitters... but I - Ash CatchThem, ornithologist - have dedicated my life to finding it.

Alas, I know this is a wiki, but please permit me to tell you my tale as you read, for my story must be told. Not for recognition, nor for lack of anything else to do with my life, but to warn... to warn those foolish enough to attempt what I did, what no other ornithologist had done before: to truly catch them all.

Rumours Abound

It all started in 1999; the East and the West were at mostly peace, the Euro was establishing itself as a proper currency, and Linkin Park were considered a promising, up-and-coming band (at least by some teenagers anyway). For me, a young ornithologist at the top of my game, 1999 was the year that would change everything. In a few short months I would go from Bill Oddie to Norman Bates. You see, my interest in our feathered friends was waning - I was starting to realise that there might be something more to life than endlessly photographing and cataloging birds. I know... it sounds crazy, but I was getting restless. There's only so many genera of seagulls you can invent before you think: What in God's name have I done with my life?

Then one day (I think it was April 14th, I remember because it was the national day of the Penguin in New Zealand), Nintendo Magazine - the monthly supplement of the World Birdwatching Society - released some shocking new evidence of that most sought after bird; MissingNo..

Apparently, it did exist! I was elated, and my love of birds replenished. Indeed, I hadn't been this happy since that time I saw a beautiful pair of tits land themselves beside my cockerel. And it's been many-a-year since that happened. I knew then what my calling was, I would find MissingNo. - I would be the one to debunk the myths, make the history, and reap the fame and glory (that's fame and glory in the bird-watching community, not the regular kind you're probably used to).

The Journey Begins...

Soon enough I was out on the open road, armed only with a baseball cap, a comprehensive map of the entire world, and an old fishing rod given to me by the local wiseman. I avoided grassy areas for fears of attack by other more conventional, boring birds, and occasionally exchanged data with other collectors. Along the way, I couldn't help but feel excited. Just the thought of catching a glimpse of the legendary MissingNo. had me fumbling my balls in anticipation. I ran facts through my head to pass the time...

Etymology

How am I supposed to end a sentence? I can't put two full-stops next to each other!

The name "MissingNo." is a compound of the French word Missi, meaning "glitch", and the Swahili word Ngno, which roughly translates as "bug". Officially, the word is also spelt with a good-old British full-stop at the end, which was likely inserted as a joke to upset grammar-Nazis.

The Ritual

I got out my Nintendo mag and thumbed through the pages to the Hints and Tips section. According to the magazine, the only way to lure out MissingNo. was to undergo a strange ritual in Viridian City. First one must seek out an old man - a mysterious hermit who spends his days walking back and forth endlessly on the spot. Then you must join him in a bizarre ceremony in which the two of you throw random objects at a worm. This, it is said, will give you the Sacred Eyes, allowing you to see the legendary bird.

The walk to Viridian City was a short one, taking only five minutes to walk through both the neighbouring town and the surrounding forests. I was making good time. My entrance to the city was blocked however, by an absurdly large tree. How this tree had managed to grow right in front of the only way in or out of the city was a mystery. Nevertheless, it was an inpenetrable barrier between me and my goal.

It took me one hell of a detour to make it inside the city's walls (I ended up using an underground cave that had been lost for centuries), but finally I made it. The old man was walking up and down ahead of me, so I went to introduce myself.

"Hi," I said. "Are you the old man who can help me find MissingNo.?"
"Want to know how to catch an animal?" he replied.
"Um, no thanks. I'm looking for MissingNo., you know, the legendary bird?"
"Want to know how to catch an animal?" he repeated, verbatim.
"Maybe later... For now I was wondering if you could help me with a ritual?"
Then, with the exact same expression on his face, he said once more: "Want to know how to catch an animal?"

Clearly this man was demented. I decided I would have to just play along.

"Sure, go on then," I told him. This seemed to please him. He smiled, and drew my attention to something a few feet away - it appeared to be a sort of worm. It was at this point I realised that this was the ritual. I felt a pang of excitement in my gut.
"Come," said the man. "Let's throw a ball at this worm."

I nodded gingerly, and took aim. We threw all sorts of things at the poor creature; balls, small rocks, large rocks. And although in my heart I felt sorry for the worm, it didn't stop me from pummelling him to death. I would have injured 100 worms if it led me to MissingNo.. Hell, I would have killed my own mum if Nintendo Magazine had only told me to. By this point my obsession had taken over and there was no turning back.

The ritual was over. According to the experts, I now had the ability to see, hear and even smell MissingNo. - and I planned to do all three very soon. Well, maybe not smell. The experience had left me feeling somehow different than before. For instance, there was a slight throbbing in my elbow like I'd sprained it by throwing too hard... spooky. The only explanation I could think of was that I had been changed by the ritual - now and forever.

I turned to the old man. He'd gone back to walking up and down in the same pattern as before.

"Thank you," I told him. "You truly are a man of great power and wisdom."
"Want to know how to catch an animal?" he replied.

Hmm, perhaps not.

That Night

I set up camp to regain my energy for the rest of the journey. However, I couldn't sleep. My mind was way too stimulated with thoughts of my continuing hunt. To relax, I repeated the ornithologists' mantra - Gotta catch 'em all... Gotta catch 'em all... Gotta catch 'em all... - but to no avail. Instead, I found myself reeling off more facts about MissingNo.:

Physiology

• Have all four pics with a brief description of each form (M - evolutionary offshoot,

fjgs

• considered a bad omen in many cultures, legend states it can cause madness to any who witness it.
• conspiracy theory = that ornithological society is keeping it under wraps.
• find it on a volcanic pacific island called cinnabar (only on the east coast)
• only way to draw it out is to undergo some weird rituals involving old men throwing objects at worms.
• look at all its different forms (fossil, 'm, ghost, yellow missingno.) - taxonomy
• The species was first documented by Nintendo in the May 1999 issue of Nintendo Power.
• something about it cloning items
• despite ornithological society's warnings against it, people have spent their entire lives soughting out the bird.
• pics from pokemon red/blue - this is me searching etc.
• end: so I stuffed it inside a tiny spherical capsule and went on my way.

do the whole thing like an expedition to find it.