User:Attila/Hugh G. Rection
Hugh G. Rection is a very unfortunate guy located in Alberta, Russia. He is a distant relative of Dick Assman. When they named Hugh, his parents(Bob Dole and Bob Dole's clone) were both fantasizing about how much better life would be if they had used a condom.
Early Childhood[edit | edit source]
During his early years, Hugh was the butt of every joke around. His schoolmates just couldn't stop making fun of his abnormally miniscule ears(a birth defect). The jokes continued until the age of 15, when Hugh finally decided to undergo plastic surgery for his ears. However, he wasn't specific enough giving his instructions to the surgeons, who, recieving Hugh's instructions to "enlarge his ears" proceeded to make them fatter. Much, much fatter. After the surgery, Hugh's ears resembled small onions. Hugh, who claimed after the surgery that he wanted his ears "longer, not fatter" panicked, cut off his ears in a nearby washroom, then ran home in shock, where he was soothed by his two dads. After what would later become known as the "Onion-Ears Incident", the rest of Hugh's childhood passed relatively uneventfully(though Bob Dole #1 was once caught making out with an underaged Simoan toad).
Current Occupation[edit | edit source]
Hugh currently works as a fake-ear tester, a job at which he excels. However, there has been recent speculation amongst the press that Hugh's job may be in jeopardy, due to the fact that only six and a half fake ears have been bought in the past year.