Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Why?:Did the Chicken Cross the Road (2nd opinion)

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Why?:Did the Chicken Cross the Road

I did some tweaking per Cheapinitreal's advice. How does it fare? --¿Qua? es mi página de discusión, es lo que mi contribuiría 14:55, 24 May 2008 (UTC)

Humour:	6	*Opening Hmm, well, the opening wasn’t exactly THE funniest part, which is expected. I was interested on how you tried to maintain a distance, and had the introduction seem to act as a lure into the rest of the article. Your opening reason for the chicken crossing the road (To get places) was not lost on me, but I honestly don’t know if that was supposed to be a joke, or if it was supposed to be serious. The Thought By now, it looks like this article is taking on an Essay point of view, one that, to me, is to be encouraged based upon the subject material. The sudden reference to a cock joke, even though it didn’t make sense, was enough to jab a light laugh out of me. The addition of another cock reference filled the max quota for bodily references in an essay, and as such, was still funny enough. The wings section of this essay sounded a bit off, due mostly to the prose. While I understand completely WHAT you were trying to get at, and I get that you are talking about the fact that if a chicken could fly, it would, naturally, do so across the road, it just didn’t come out well. The “Erotic Lust” section made a minimal of sense. A chicken crossing a road to gain attention from a human stripper? What gender are we referring to, a male cockerel or a female chick? Once you decide on what sex the “chicken” being written about is, feel free to decide, does this section really need to stay? So why? The essay format continued, but the humour went a bit downhill. The errors in grammar, the poor outlining, and the constant grinding of the same joke almost made me decide to take my review template off of the article. You do have a nice concept going, with the potential for some chuckles, but until the prose is fixed, the humour from this point in is, for the most part, dead as a doornail (Plus, my nose is bleeding from when I hit my face on the keyboard).
Concept:	9	I will willingly admit you have a very good concept fleshing itself out, and you ARE playing around with it to a fulfilling amount, I am not sure how hard you are thinking about what you write before you really write it. The concept behind portraying a joke as a question is something that I do not remember seeing anywhere before, which provoked me to provide a higher score for the concept.
Prose and formatting:	3	This is your SERIOUS stumbling block. There were more fragments, illogical sentences, cut-offs, and run-ons than I could count. While they are almost defunct, I would recommend you refer this article to Here and take careful care as to what you are told from them. For now, I am going to point out where I think your weaknesses are, and what you can do to fix them, from the top to the bottom… Sounds awkward – “the lower class of birds, who think they can fly” Sounds awkward, possible removal of comma, and rewrite of sentence. “run away from whatever being is chasing them for use in a cock joke” “Whatever Being”? Scratch and rewrite, again. “What would there be for the chickens” followed by the next section, made minimum of sense. Fragments – “Possibly to show that he can do it?” has no verb included, and is, by default, a fragment. “In my thoughts.” Doesn’t even have a noun, let alone a verb. “No, he would just fly over it.”, while not exactly a fragment, is nonetheless too short for this article. Speeling erours (those are deliberate!)– “probally” should be probably, “stret” should be street, “unfortunaylly” should be unfourtunately, and aside from that, errors abound. As I said, this is your MAJOR falling point in this article, one I was willing to overlook in the “OMG Meteor” article. To catch MOST of the errors, I would recommend copying and pasting into a Word Processing program and running the spell check. If you have any words that can’t be identified, feel free to drop a line on my talk page for help.
Images:	8	Well, I can’t think of much to hammer on in this particular section. The two images were highly relevant, and the caption detailing the chicken in the act of crossing the road did have a decent caption, and the second one, with its relevancy to the section to the side, was well placed with a good caption. Since they are not outstanding, but they are also not bad, I will give an 8 for this section.
Miscellaneous:	6.5	Avg’d as per Pee Review guidelines.
Final Score:	32.5	While this may seem like a slightly harsh review, the thing dragging you down was the Prose. For that reason, most of your to-do’s centre around formatting. Fix the awkward sentences Figure out if you want a period or a question mark. A period indicates the end of a sentence, and a question mark is for asking a question. Run a spell check on a word processing device Fix the fragments, make sure it has a noun, a verb, and a point. Think about how the article should flow. You are writing an essay, so make it an essay. With those patched up, I would say this article has the potential to become featured. Give it a spit, grab a rag, and shine this up. Good luck!
Reviewer:	Warm Regards, ▀ĴαVắśСąР▀ 11:03 December 19 2023