Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:JackOfSpades/WiP/White Lie
White Lie[edit source]
Looking for a little direction. And yes, I know I say somethings twice using different words. I'm working on it.
(talk) 22:28, February 22, 2011 (UTC)
| Humour: | 8 | The humour worked for me quite well both in general in the concept and also the little details, one particular line was presenting as a white lie No, Jason, it's not your fault mommy and daddy are getting divorced (although this has made me question things my parents have said to me but I promise I will not that colour this review). I do appreciate subtle humour and I can imagine this being delivered dead pan and with the authority of a lecture so that is all plus points. I think one area that could be expanded is the Common Uses section. I feel it would benefit from a list of common white lies which I appreciate you have included examples of through the text but I think a list with additional lies would give some focus to the strong points of humour. That may also be an opportunity for some satire e.g. "I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.": A white lie told twice by George W Bush, in his inauguration oaths, Jan 20th 2001 & Jan 20th 2005.
Oh, and the Alternate Forms section, so you should feel bad with yourself for such a terrible visual gag. I feel equally bad for laughing at it. Keep it in, if not just for all the people who will comment that the section is empty. |
| Concept: | 8 | The concept here is sound. The idea of a white lie is a phenomenon most vaguely intelligent people should be aware so this has got the potential to appeal to a wide audience of people. It is a unique idea and quite off the wall way of describing a psychological phenomenon as a living entity, actually quite deep and philosophical and I liked that. As I mentioned in the above section, there is potential for more in there as examples of lies would be a great device for introducing more satire and parody. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | Spelling and grammar look pretty okay and it flows pretty well. The style holds up as a parody of a straight encyclopaedic article with its structure, although I would consider the Common Uses section maybe being shifted to below Alternate Forms, especially if you decided to include a list as above as I think it would consolidate the whole article. I did notice that the voice tends to go a bit wayward though, something I have a habit of doing myself (people in glass houses and all) however I think it could be set straight with a few revisions. Firstly, in the section Scrotum it reads Yeah...This...Uh...This will become clear later on. Just ignore it for now, or..do anything except trying to picture it. That is funny but it seems at odds with the voice, maybe change to something like, As disturbing as it is to imagine, some academics have speculated that the white lie possesses a scrotum, for further information, see Studies (And link to the Breeding Section).
Secondly in Studies, it reads A number of studies were carried out regarding white lies. They were found to have astounding variety in many cases. That line seems a bit disconnected to the text that follows. Maybe some simple line like, Studies have focussed on the following key areas. Finally, on Breeding it reads This study...well I'll just show you a quote from the report. The first person doesn’t fit in so maybe this study, perhaps one of the more controversial investigations into white lies is described below by it’s author (you may want to get a cheap laugh with an hilariously sounding science professor type name). |
| Images: | 5 | The images for me were the weak link but I would find it difficult with such an abstract subject like this. “The Cake is a Lie” is okay but I’m just concerned whether in an article that can have such broad appeal, it’s quite an obscure reference that not everyone may get. The image of the babies is funny, as is the quote, but not so much together as the image doesn’t tie to the article too well. I liked the Adipose creature from Dr Who being used as an image of the lie and that tied in well as did Pinocchio. I would perhaps try to find some images associated with different lies with quotes such as you’ve done for the baby picture, just more relevant images. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7 | Average of my scores |
| Final Score: | 35 | Overall, I thought this was a very good article, it was cleverly done and on the whole well executed. It can be improved with a few things here and there, mostly images need a good look at in my opinion but the article itself stands on its own to feet. |
| Reviewer: | SaintJayJay  19:10, February 23, 2011 (UTC)
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