Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnBooks:"Incoherent Overwritten Litterary Trainwreck" by Thomas Pynchon (2nd review)
UnBooks:"Incoherent Overwritten Literary Trainwreck" by Thomas Pynchon[edit source]
So, I redid this too, and gave it more of a "plot," to appease those non-Pychon fans to whom such things might matter. It's also a good deal longer than before, so yeah. Review away. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:37, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
- Also, I spelled "literary" wrong on the title thing. Again. Fuck. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:39, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
| Concept, which must be the basis of your article if I'm using this template: |
7 | Nothing special, but not bad either. Simply making fun of an author and his style. Not really much to say here. |
| Humor, without a second u, because I'm American: |
8 | There is much to say here. Despite that much of the humor here is based on randomness, it seems that said randomness is used, often, by the author being parodied. The random moments are also followed-through and developed, so it ends up strengthening the article rather than detracting from it. There is a bit of weirdness, however, at the end of "Chapter Two". The part really seemed to clash with the tone of the article, and even if it's one the quirks of Pynchon's writing it still seemed to add nothing to the overall narrative. Perhaps if you developed the part more and made it more absurd (e.g. less like borderline softcore) it would fit better, but as it is it seems less intended to make the reader laugh and more to criticize the "author" of the work.
That one part aside, the rest of the article works beautifully. It maintains a quick pace, which is very important to keeping a longer article like this interesting. I especially like that the article randomly changes characters, each of which is scarcely related to the others, and that it continually hints at a deeper plot that you never bother to develop (except at one point, which is used to good humorous effect). I do think that in "Chapter Seven", when the characters are speaking German, you should change the "was?" to "what?". I'm not sure that everybody that reads it would know that "was" translates to "what", and might think they missed a joke when he says "was?" in the English sense. If you want to make it an in-joke to German speakers like the rest of the dialog, that's fine, but by changing it you could reach a broader audience. The only other recommendation that I have for improvement is near the very end, where it mentions that the children are off-key. If you want to make it more obvious that the buses collide when the song cuts out, you should make a note at that point about the automated bus accelerating or Siegfried panicking from bearing down on the school bus. I suggest this because I think the moment could be funnier, but only at the cost of subtlety. If you want to maintain the subtlety by all means leave it as it is, I just personally feel that it could be improved upon. |
| Your spelling and grammar, which probably sucks: |
9 | I spotted no obvious errors. |
| Images, or lack of: | 10 | Despite that your images neither have "clever" captions nor expand on the dialog, they're used perfectly for the style you're aiming for. I especially like the cover of the book, as I actually stared at it for a few seconds before reading the article, trying to figure out what the hell it was. |
| Miscellaneous, not averaged, despite what some would have you believe: |
8 | High misc. score, because I like the article and if I try to put in 11 the template breaks. |
| Final Score, totaled, as most would have you believe: |
42 | As it is, I think the article could be featured. I found it funny, and I'm sure others would too. Just think about the suggestions I... suggested. I do hope to see this on VFH soon, because it will be an easy +1 for you. |
| Me: | Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 19:21, 24 July 2009 (UTC) | |
