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ZTVstudios 06:41, November 13, 2011 (UTC)
- Okay, I will tackle this, but this is a looong article, so if I exceed 24 hours... Just deal with it. Pup 11:47 19 Jan '12
| Concept:
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7
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This is a freaking mammoth. Seriously I have just read it the one time so far and I feel like I have run a marathon. You've taken a fairly weak joke (ie, the country name), and extended it into a complex historical understanding of the growth of a nation and its geopolitical standpoint. You've worked in a huge amount of stuff into it and full praise for what you have done.
Now for the negative bit. I find articles on countries hard to read. They generally bore me within the first couple of sections and as they do have to follow a certain structure and style I find it hard to keep going through them. This article is no different from my general rule in that aspect. It is too long to hold my attention the entire way through and the humor is not strong enough to keep it going. But that effect could be due to the spelling and grammar issues throughout the article, as that adds an extra strain on your intended audience.
So what is it about the concept that I do and don't like? I dislike the fact that this is an article about a fictional country. There are 250ush countries that Wikipedia has in its list of countries. While not all of them are vital articles, it does state that an online encyclopedias should ideally have an article on every one of the 250ish. Somalia was created as a result of this need. This article could happily be retitled to be one of a dozen Middle Eastern countries and, while being rampantly inaccurate - would fulfill a need there. Basically is someone more likely to google Uzbekistan or Ubeki blah blah.
However, the inspiration for the creation relates back to the name (a reference I don't know and don't really care about tbh). So as a result much can be forgiven.
I love that the rise and fall of British Empirealism is illustrated with this country as a backdrop. That is probably the most endearing part of the article and one of the reasons why I did continue reading through it. Also using it to illustrate the effects of GFC on European Nations and the US war on terror/war on drugs is brilliant. I would love to see more included in this though relating to things like the US incursion in Afghanistan and the Afghanistan civil war that ende the cold war, as well as the US supplying WOMD to both Iraq and Iran (through Iran-contra flow) at the same time. This to me is screaming out for something relating to the US being responsible for the creation of Osama bin Laden through training by the CIA and the later issues with him as well. Spino could well be the shadowy figure that US foreign policy made Osama out to be.
By the same token, to reflect the reality that organised politics in corrupt the world over, I would love to see that Saudi Royal family being represented here by the current leadership of Ubeki. As well as showing the corrupt nature of dictatorial politics. I actually think that the Ubeki political system needs more fleshing out. Democracy being reflected that everyone has a right to vote, assuming they are if noble birth, landowners, male, never convicted of any crime, married, blah blah, so in reality everyone has a right to vote relates back to only about 35 people, most of whom are related to each other.
- Addendum: Now that I'm aware of the source of the name, and the subsequent exchange between H Clinton and the President of Uzbekistan, I'm more inclined to suggest changing this the Uzbekistan and using the current page as a redirect. The name is now old news, which is an unfortunate indication of the state of the PEE review system.
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| Humour:
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5
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Again, issues in spelling and grammar have likely dropped your score here, but when a joke has to be re-read to be understood it loses a significant amount of impact.
I'd be inclined to go through this with a fine tooth comb and start sorting the goats from the sheep. For instance:
- Ubeki Beki Beki Beki Stan Stan, or just Ubeki for short, is a moderately sized country in the Middle East. Ubeki was discovered around 17 D.C.(During Christ) by Abdul-Mommar Mohammed-Ali-Mohed Alibaba III during times of religious conflict surrounding the wacky mishaps of Jesus's teen years. Ubeki slowly developed as a nation and converted to Islam upon its foundation.
That is a paragraph of its own. You've launched directly into the history of the nation, which may be a poor choice. People will want to know about the nation as it is now before going into it's history.
A nation is founded, not discovered. It also doesn't convert to anything. The predominant religion upon foundation was Islam.
The 17 DC reference as Jesus wacky years I like, but they are references that don't really fit in with the context, and as such draw away from the potential for real humour.
Now that is just picking on your opening paragraph. We could potentially go through the entire article and I could do the same for almost every section. I'd rather not, as I have a life, but it's the sort of thing you should be going through yourself.
Silly names are good in small doses. There is too many of them throughout this, and that detracts from what the governing officials actually did, which is where the crux of your humor here comes from.
So, go through this with a fine tooth comb, and whatever is unfunny or slightly funny can be removed or, hopefully, improved. What works though is what needs to stay. If you are unable to do that on your own, ask a regularly featured user to help you out with it all.
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| Prose and formatting:
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5
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Already mentioned it a few times, but this is a bastard to read. One thing that really drives me up the wall is capitalisation of words that don't need to be capitalised. Okay, when you use the word penis as a link the page title itself will be capitalised. In most cases though using the lowercase equivalent will still get you to the right place.
But when you have finished writing a section, go back over and re-read it. It should flow smoothly. (I've rushed this review in some places so don't treat this as a shining example of spelling and grammar, by the way.) If it doesn't, then re-write it.
Also, when I was in primary school they taught me that a paragraph was a train of thought. If you are going to a different thought, then you need a different paragraph. Much the same as in this section I've typed three paragraphs, and they all address different issues. Breaking it up this way makes it easier to read. If this was all one big block of text your eyes would glaze over and the tl;dr warning signs would come up. Given the article itself is gargantuan, you want to break it down to digestible chunks.
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| Images:
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6
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The images are not that exciting, but by the same token they don't need to be. It's a good ratio of image to text. The only thing that disappoints me is te use of comic images in the article. Given the tone and the fantastic choice of imagery up to that point, these two stick out and completely destroy the suspension of disbelief.
The other weak image is the workers taking a break. I don't think this adds much to the article as such, but the caption on it does work. So I'm 50/50 as to whether I would keep it or kill it.
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| Miscellaneous:
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8
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As an overall I'm very impressed with the amount that you have put into this, but quantity has to be backed up with quality, or you'll lose your audience so fast it'll make your head spin.
As an aside, the article Somalia is a good example of what a country article can be, but that works because of the tone taken throughout the article adding an extra element to it. I don't know that it would work here, but it can at least give you an idea of what length works, and you don't need to be afraid of culling parts out.
Final point: I would strongly urge you to use this in the place of the Uzbekistan article, and possibly merge the two together. That sort of thing does take a fair amount of work though, so it depends on how much you want to do.
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| Final Score:
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31
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Good luck!
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| Reviewer:
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Pup 02:19 20 Jan '12
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Concept The idea, the angle, the grand funny of the article...
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|
This is a freaking mammoth. Seriously I have just read it the one time so far and I feel like I have run a marathon. You've taken a fairly weak joke (ie, the country name), and extended it into a complex historical understanding of the growth of a nation and its geopolitical standpoint. You've worked in a huge amount of stuff into it and full praise for what you have done.
Now for the negative bit. I find articles on countries hard to read. They generally bore me within the first couple of sections and as they do have to follow a certain structure and style I find it hard to keep going through them. This article is no different from my general rule in that aspect. It is too long to hold my attention the entire way through and the humor is not strong enough to keep it going. But that effect could be due to the spelling and grammar issues throughout the article, as that adds an extra strain on your intended audience.
So what is it about the concept that I do and don't like? I dislike the fact that this is an article about a fictional country. There are 250ush countries that Wikipedia has in its list of countries. While not all of them are vital articles, it does state that an online encyclopedias should ideally have an article on every one of the 250ish. Somalia was created as a result of this need. This article could happily be retitled to be one of a dozen Middle Eastern countries and, while being rampantly inaccurate - would fulfill a need there. Basically is someone more likely to google Uzbekistan or Ubeki blah blah.
However, the inspiration for the creation relates back to the name (a reference I don't know and don't really care about tbh). So as a result much can be forgiven.
I love that the rise and fall of British Empirealism is illustrated with this country as a backdrop. That is probably the most endearing part of the article and one of the reasons why I did continue reading through it. Also using it to illustrate the effects of GFC on European Nations and the US war on terror/war on drugs is brilliant. I would love to see more included in this though relating to things like the US incursion in Afghanistan and the Afghanistan civil war that ende the cold war, as well as the US supplying WOMD to both Iraq and Iran (through Iran-contra flow) at the same time. This to me is screaming out for something relating to the US being responsible for the creation of Osama bin Laden through training by the CIA and the later issues with him as well. Spino could well be the shadowy figure that US foreign policy made Osama out to be.
By the same token, to reflect the reality that organised politics in corrupt the world over, I would love to see that Saudi Royal family being represented here by the current leadership of Ubeki. As well as showing the corrupt nature of dictatorial politics. I actually think that the Ubeki political system needs more fleshing out. Democracy being reflected that everyone has a right to vote, assuming they are if noble birth, landowners, male, never convicted of any crime, married, blah blah, so in reality everyone has a right to vote relates back to only about 35 people, most of whom are related to each other.
- Addendum: Now that I'm aware of the source of the name, and the subsequent exchange between H Clinton and the President of Uzbekistan, I'm more inclined to suggest changing this the Uzbekistan and using the current page as a redirect. The name is now old news, which is an unfortunate indication of the state of the PEE review system.
|
|
Humour The implementation, how funny the article comes out...
|
|
Again, issues in spelling and grammar have likely dropped your score here, but when a joke has to be re-read to be understood it loses a significant amount of impact.
I'd be inclined to go through this with a fine tooth comb and start sorting the goats from the sheep. For instance:
- Ubeki Beki Beki Beki Stan Stan, or just Ubeki for short, is a moderately sized country in the Middle East. Ubeki was discovered around 17 D.C.(During Christ) by Abdul-Mommar Mohammed-Ali-Mohed Alibaba III during times of religious conflict surrounding the wacky mishaps of Jesus's teen years. Ubeki slowly developed as a nation and converted to Islam upon its foundation.
That is a paragraph of its own. You've launched directly into the history of the nation, which may be a poor choice. People will want to know about the nation as it is now before going into it's history.
A nation is founded, not discovered. It also doesn't convert to anything. The predominant religion upon foundation was Islam.
The 17 DC reference as Jesus wacky years I like, but they are references that don't really fit in with the context, and as such draw away from the potential for real humour.
Now that is just picking on your opening paragraph. We could potentially go through the entire article and I could do the same for almost every section. I'd rather not, as I have a life, but it's the sort of thing you should be going through yourself.
Silly names are good in small doses. There is too many of them throughout this, and that detracts from what the governing officials actually did, which is where the crux of your humor here comes from.
So, go through this with a fine tooth comb, and whatever is unfunny or slightly funny can be removed or, hopefully, improved. What works though is what needs to stay. If you are unable to do that on your own, ask a regularly featured user to help you out with it all.
|
|
Prose and formatting Appearance, flow, overall presentation...
|
|
Already mentioned it a few times, but this is a bastard to read. One thing that really drives me up the wall is capitalisation of words that don't need to be capitalised. Okay, when you use the word penis as a link the page title itself will be capitalised. In most cases though using the lowercase equivalent will still get you to the right place.
But when you have finished writing a section, go back over and re-read it. It should flow smoothly. (I've rushed this review in some places so don't treat this as a shining example of spelling and grammar, by the way.) If it doesn't, then re-write it.
Also, when I was in primary school they taught me that a paragraph was a train of thought. If you are going to a different thought, then you need a different paragraph. Much the same as in this section I've typed three paragraphs, and they all address different issues. Breaking it up this way makes it easier to read. If this was all one big block of text your eyes would glaze over and the tl;dr warning signs would come up. Given the article itself is gargantuan, you want to break it down to digestible chunks.
|
|
Images The graphics themselves, as well as their humour and relevance...
|
|
The images are not that exciting, but by the same token they don't need to be. It's a good ratio of image to text. The only thing that disappoints me is te use of comic images in the article. Given the tone and the fantastic choice of imagery up to that point, these two stick out and completely destroy the suspension of disbelief.
The other weak image is the workers taking a break. I don't think this adds much to the article as such, but the caption on it does work. So I'm 50/50 as to whether I would keep it or kill it.
|
|
Miscellaneous Anything else... or not...
|
|
As an overall I'm very impressed with the amount that you have put into this, but quantity has to be backed up with quality, or you'll lose your audience so fast it'll make your head spin.
As an aside, the article Somalia is a good example of what a country article can be, but that works because of the tone taken throughout the article adding an extra element to it. I don't know that it would work here, but it can at least give you an idea of what length works, and you don't need to be afraid of culling parts out.
Final point: I would strongly urge you to use this in the place of the Uzbekistan article, and possibly merge the two together. That sort of thing does take a fair amount of work though, so it depends on how much you want to do.
|
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Final score
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Good luck!
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