Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/On the Run Chatroom
On the Run Chatroom[edit source]
Even though it is part of the game On the Run, it still is a mock of Chatrooms, and it is kind of funny. --
Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 17:21, March 18, 2011 (UTC)
Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 17:21, March 18, 2011 (UTC)
- If you can wait till tonight, I'll review it. Deal? ---
I have a talking zombie 08:26, March 20, 2011 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5 | Okay, you got the opportunities to write something very funny. I can see you based it off IRC, and the IRC is a very funny place indeed. Here, there is almost none of that lol power we get everyday from it. The "lulz556> user's grammar, and the "kids" jokes are basically the highlight, and it looks like that highlighter is all out of ink.
Now, the reason you get 5 and not less from me is because I can see you tried. But, if I may, how about checking this,[1], and this, [2], out and try to find some funny things you could mix up and add to the article. See what makes something in a chatroom funny and sets it apart from a normal joke, and you can seriously fix this thing up to be really funny. |
| Concept: | 6 | Okay, so I already mentioned the IRC thing in terms of humor. Overall, its a strange concept. It has almost nothing to do with On The Run, so, why didn't you just make a name for a chatroom and put it there? That would fix the WTF does this have to do with the game? factor. Then I would like to point out that this concept is way overused. I see this on many articles, but the difference is some have a sense of originality added, because its related to something. I know there is a chatroom between terrorists, which is original, because terrorists are part of the article. Excuse me that I don't remember the article. If it was a conversation with more humor, to do with On The Run and not just random stuff, it could be way funnier; because it will work to a certain goal. |
| Prose and formatting: | 4 | Okay, I have horrible eyesight, and wear glasses which let me see things better then some people, but seriously, if I didn't have glasses I would have to squint and read it from a few centimeters away. Why? 1. The join/quit things are extremely small, which is a good idea, since it does show that someone is leaving. But, still, you should change the size to normal and do something else when they leave/join.
Secondly, and quite possibly the worst part of the article, is the colors. The dark blue and black background is a horrible mix, and contributes to the difficulty of reading the article. How about changing one of them to a lighter color? It would be wise, as I thought twice about reading the whole thing because of the colors. Imagine how many people you're gonna turn off because of this? Not to mention the effect it will have on the enjoyment of reading the article. |
| Images: | 2 | Okay, I should give you a 1 but I'm hoping for a lollipop later. 1. There is only one image. 2. That image has nothing to do with the chatroom. I think you could replace the Forum thing with a nice image saying CHATROOM or ON THE RUN CHATROOM, or even ON THE CHATROOM. I'll make one for you, if you want. You're gonna have to use your imagination if you want more images, which I recommend you think about. I will also help you with finding a second image, if you wish. |
| Miscellaneous: | 4 | When I was done reading it, this is what number popped in my head. |
| Final Score: | 21 | Okay, 21. Thats not bad, but I know you, Lollipop, and I know you can do a ton better then this. This article isn't destined for Crapsville, unless you don't work hard to improve it. If there was a category for potential, I would give it a 9, since I think this could be the rough draft of the final thing. Just remember that the final draft is a long way to go, and the only way its gonna come closer is if you want it to.
Now, I think I pointed out all the most obvious flaws here, with the biggest being images and total lack of a drive or goal. I promise to help you in any way I can; all you have to do is ask. I really hope I helped you, and please remember that I'm not saying your article stinks. I would be happy to work with you to make it awesome. |
| Reviewer: | --- I have a talking zombie 14:58, March 20, 2011 (UTC)
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