Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Microsoft
Microsoft[edit source]
Tell me what should i remove,improve or keep. LOLsupreme 10:49, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
| Humour: | 6 | The "problem" with this article as I'm sure you know is that it's list city. This is a page which obviously gets a lot of attention from many users especially IPs and as a result has a tenancy to gather the dam long lists... I can see that you have already started to make an effort to trim them back trying to keep the good stuff, but you need to do more. Where possible try to take the good ideas out of list form, and try to come up with a way of structuring them into something encyclopaedic. Some of those list entries have good funny ideas behind them, but in their current format they are going to turn a lot of readers off...
I look after the Gay page which is one of the most edited pages we have. When I decided to clean Gay out I found it useful to have a look back at some of the older versions to check to see if any good ideas had been lost along the way. Maybe this has happened here, and you might get some more good ideas from randomly taking a look at a few older versions... OK, what's pants and what's not... Too many quotes. 2 or 3 max. I would keep the Captain Obvious quote and the following quote from Satan. Ditch the rest. Ditch the Conservapedia template. Who cares? Move the wikipedia link to the See also section at the end of the article, or maybe ditch that also. Chances are people will know wikipedia has a article about M$, so why bother telling them. The opening paragraph is "OK" but its a bit lame. Reading it makes me think "Yea, OK, whatever", but does not really grab my attention, and make me want to read the rest. If you sort out the template and picture mess at the top, it will all look a lot nicer also. "Microsoft was investigated for virgin violations by the Department of Justice in 2001." Was a bit lame too. I'm a professional software engineer, so I know what that is refereeing to, but many people will not.
The "Operating System Versions" section is probably the most lame part of the article. It's mostly just the same repeating joke saying that Windows is shit. I would probably axe this whole section, or maybe try to make a paragraph out of it... "The Redmond Landscape" all just looks like random rubbish to me. OK, I know who redmond is, but Zombies? Na... |
| Concept: | 6 | Trouble is, it's really just one big long list of why M$ sux. That's exactly what readers will expect to find when they find this article. If you can, try to think of something a bit more interesting... If you look at America you can see that the author ignored the obvious, and pretended that the whole country was actually a resturant. That was refreshing and different. This article is not.
OK, my suggestion. It's not great, but how about you do it in terms of M$ actually being a charity. No really... M$ are a charity created to encourage the world to organise itself enough to be able to write quality software which is free. Now I know Linux is getting there, but it's still not there yet. Maybe M$ deliberately adopt the corporate stratigy which they do because they are trying to make the world adopt the free software route more quickly... Had there not been a single dominant software giant like M$, the programmers of the world would not have gotten as pissed of with it as they have, and the free software world would not be doing as well as it is. You get the idea I hope... It's not that great I agree, but you need something. As it stands it's just too obvious and boring. I think there should also be more focus on other M$ products other than Windoz. M$ have created many, many different products and there is scope there I'm sure. Don't go down the path of making a section for each probably, but some mention of the many other products they make would provide more opportunities for expansion. |
| Prose and formatting: | 5.5 | As this has been edited by lots of different people the prose style changes in places. When you have sorted out the formatting and layout issues, make it read like it was written by one person. Keep the main Microsoft template, loose the rest. |
| Images: | 7 | Some of them are good, some of them are not.
"A typical windows error - in a so-called "dialog" box - some kind of two-way conversation that is..." is good. This should be the main pic at the top, unless you get a better one. Generally, you best pic should be the first one people see... "A satisfied Microsoft user." No. Kill it. We have all seen it before. Not here again thanks. "The proof of the incredible intelligence of Microsoft programmers." a bit obvious, and not really funny. "It is a little known fact that all versions of "Windows" come with pre-set and unchangeable "Hidden Settings" OK, but the trouble is I can't read the writing cos it's too small. I suggest you organise all of the gribes about M$ producing software which crashes into one section, and use this pic there. You will need to make it bigger though. "Microsoft Hates Apple" lame really... The other pics in the errors section are OK, but they need to be put to the side (the right) with your text flowing down the other side. As I said. Take all the M$ crashes stuff and put it into one section here. OK, this is getting silly! I'm not going through em all! You get the idea though. If a joke as already been told with one of the other pictures better, get rid of the worse one... |
| Miscellaneous: | 5.9 | {{Pee|6|6|5.5|6}} |
| Final Score: | 30.4 | This article MUST be featured one day. It will be, it's just a matter of time. I admire you for taking on the challenge, but there is much work to be done... First off, decide on a new concept for the article. Possibly not the one I suggested, but come up with something which will give the article more structure. This is going to be the most difficult part. Take your time deciding what to do, and make sure it's an idea which gives you lots of potential to work with... Convert the good ideas from the lists into paragraphs, and be ruthless with chopping out that which is not really funny. Less is always more. Work on this for a week. Contact me via my talk page after that, and I will see if I can think of anything to add to it... Oh, did I mention this is going to be a challenge? Good luck my friend... |
| Reviewer: | MrN  10:45, Jul 6
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