Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Katy Perry (2)

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Katy Perry

I'm not happy with this article. I think it's a little too mean, and there's a little too much generic sex stuff in it. I feel a little stuck, and could use a push. pillow talk 20:51, July 14, 2010 (UTC)

• Up to where she goes to the crossroads, it looks very promising. Perhaps she was on the road to Damascus (or Santa Barbara) and was hit by a blinding light of the obvious. A good looking girl like you was wasted on the Christian music scene. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 21:43, July 14, 2010 (UTC)
  • Interesting, so you're thinking of kind of the opposite article: not a fall from innocence into prostitution, but a rise from weird Christian shit to actual success. I'm not sure I can write quite that affectionately about Katy Perry, though. pillow talk 22:19, July 14, 2010 (UTC)

I'll get this. It won't be very in depth because the article's basically fine as it is, but I'm sure by this late stage you're desperate for any scrap of criticism. --Black Flamingo 22:32, August 6, 2010 (UTC)

Humour:	7	Ok, I've read this like, a zillion times now because I've tried to review this twice before. You'd been waiting so long that I took it upon myself to review it, but every time I tried, all I could think was "this is good as it is." Now despite how good I just said it was, it's not a hilarious article, and I can understand why you're not happy with it. But at the same time I couldn't think of anything to suggest. A week later, it still hasn't been picked up, so fuck it, I'm just going to do it. This isn't going to be a particularly in depth review, and because the article is very well written I'm probably going to resort to nitpicking. But if I do seem overly critical, it's just to give you as many ideas for revision as I possibly can. Whether you take any notice of my suggestions is, of course, up to you. By the way, I think I'm going to combine Humour and Concept into one section, because my comments on each section are basically the same, and to do it any other way would be madness. Some of the prostitute references seem over the top - like the licking a homeless man's scrotum. As is my understanding, Perry is more of a porn star than a prostitue (although I suppose you could argue the two are similar). Her videos and her music are designed to titilate but I for one don't believe she's really that slutty, it's an act, it's got to be. The references to her being a prostitute don't really hinder the article if you'd rather not change them, but I think some of the references to her perfoming prostitute-like acts do. So instead of having her lick a scrotum for money, you could just have her get increasingly pornographic, like mention her new video is going to be a full five minutes of Perry sucking phallic objects, or something. And again, instead of having her pen the "stick it in my ass" song, perhaps this could be a song her management have reserved for when she finally makes the transition to 'total whore'. On a similar note, it might be nice to explore some of this in the article - about how she's not really a whore and it's just an act and that she's a shallow vaccuous bitch who only really cares about fame and money. You could get some nice jokes in there about how she's actually frigid, perhaps? I already get a hint of this from the part where you talk about her being attracted to Commodore Perry, which seemed like the kind of crush a conservative prude from a backwater town might have. So, yeah, run with this. The article feels a tad too short, perhaps you didn't want to immerse yourself too much in the work of Katy Perry (which I can understand), but some more content might help? Although the article is good as it is, it might be nice to hear more about her other hits. Hot and Cold, for instance, is one that regularly annoyed me when that came out. Also about her life now, her engagement to that equally annoying Russel Brand guy. I always thought that relationship seemed fairly shallow and contrived as well. I really like the idea of her striking a deal with the devil, and you play this out really well. I did wonder however what the devil might be getting in return? Just something you might want to think about when you come to revise it. I also like the part where you talk about her singing hymns in church, and say that "the congregation would place dollar bills on the rail of the pulpit, which Perry would then pick up with her teeth". What I like about this is that you're likening her career as a gospel singer to being a stripper. Maybe you could develop this more however, as right now it isn't clear that you're basically saying church music is just as perverse as pop music (if this is indeed what you're saying, I know it's something along these lines). I recommend trying to make this clearer, maybe by introducing a scene later in her pop career, where something similarly "stripperish" happens. Perhaps when you talk about her exposing cleavage as a popstar, you could say it reminded her of when the priest used to like her to expose her cleavage. Not a hilarious example, but hopefully you know what I mean. The joke about her photoshopping her head onto models' bodies was a bit lost on me. Possibly because I have no idea what 4chan is, although I also couldn't tell whether you meant Perry was doing it herself, or horny young internet users were doing it. Maybe I'm just thick, but this might be something you want to clear up.
Concept:	8	I liked the concept. It's the perfect spin for an article on Katy Perry. The only reason I can come up with as to why it's just good and not hilarious is that the article doesn't go anywhere terribly original. It's all jokes about religious people being strict and music executives being pimps. While you write very well, it's all stuff we've heard before. Don't worry too much about this, not every article has to be life-changing. But if you can find some less familiar territory in here, that would probably help. The opposite of people's expectations. This might be difficult in an article like this though, since Katy Perry just isn't that interesting. Although if you go with my suggestion of making her prudish, that could be interesting, and is the sort of thing I'm talking about. I'll leave it to you, you're capable enough. Nothing else to add here I'm afraid.
Prose and formatting:	10	Everything here seems perfect - spelling, grammar, formatting, prose, tone - so I guess all I have to say is "way to ruin my 100% in-depth review record".
Images:	7	Ok, the images themselves are good. None of them are paticularly funny, but you go for the erotic angle, which always works for me. In fact I never realised how attractive Perry was before I looked at some of these. Anyway, your captions are pretty good too, and make up for the lack of funny in the pixels themselves. The only one I can't say I cared for was the "Perry is neither black enough nor obese enough" one, simply because you've already made this joke once before. The way that microphone's placed could give you a few more ideas though, if you want to come up with a new one.
Miscellaneous:	8	I gave you an 8 here, a number generated purely by gut feeling.
Final Score:	40	Well, that's me done. Sorry I couldn't be of more help, but I guess when you're a WotY with 40+ features there probably isn't much more to learn. If you want me to clarify anything, take a look at any changes, thank me or abuse me, please seek me out on my talk page. Good luck with this.
Reviewer:	--Black Flamingo 23:32, August 6, 2010 (UTC)