Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Interrupt Serious News Broadcasts
HowTo:Interrupt Serious News Broadcasts[edit source]
Yeah, I fucked up the first one, by doing some of that dangerous thinking for myself again ChiefjusticeDS 20:56, 2 July 2009 (UTC)
- MINE MINE ALL MINE!!!!! Pup 00:50, 7 July 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 8.5 | Very funny article. I laughed a number of times through it.
I adored the Interrupting part. Reading through that entire section I was laughing constantly, and recognised the reality of the situation. Not the broadcast itself, but almost every other aspect of this I had seen before (even down to trying to steal the OB van.) The only thing that I had in my picture of this that wasn't in the article was the bottle of beer in hand. Only a couple of points that I would have liked to have seen in here stopped it from getting to the magical 10. The first is that the article fades away abruptly. There's no fanfare, no powerful punchline, no kick in the head at the end. I'm not saying that you have to have a kick in the head at the end of every article, but this built to a crescendo and then dropped to an anticlimax. Maybe an extension in regards to how to continue this while on the inside, like how to cyber-interrupt news sites... or maybe you have something better that's kicking around inside of you. Second thing is that I felt was needed was more of a sociological element in regards to what good your interrupting serious news broadcasts will do for the people. (Okay, I'm going to start using the terms "Bonehead" and "Larrikin" from here as it will make this easier. I apologise for my Australian-ness.) Boneheads broadly come in two categories. There's the larrikin approach, which is usually adopted by drunks or children. If at any time a Bonehead flashes breasts, this is larrikin behaviour. The second is the Evangelist. This is the man who has a message, no matter how potentially insane or deluded he is. An example of this is [ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Hore Peter Hore], the "preacher" shown in the article, or this freak. Now both of these have different motivations on why they do this. If your HowTo is supposed to encourage people to Bonehead, it needs to tap into the Bonehead psyche. Let them know that this is the chance to spread their message, or to be seen by all your friends and family and know that people will be talking about you long after you're dead. Oh, and the props - maybe a discussion of some of the more popular prop options and the pros and cons of each? |
| Concept: | 8.5 | It's so obvious I'm amazed that nobody had done it prior to now. I'm giving concept the same score as humour as the only way to add to the concept is to increase the giggle factor. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6.0 | This lets down what would be an otherwise spectacular article. Spelling is fine - a few conjunctive words that I'd probably have as hyphenated, but otherwise all hunky dory. The major issue here is the first view.
When the page opens the first thing that I get is the images and blocks before I get to text. Now I love to read and write, witch as whey aim gut it spilling. But the text in "Getting Ready" looks as though it's being squeezed in there, or as though the horizontal line is trying to give birth to prose. In this instance I'd be inclined to either trash the {{NoWikipedia}} template or have it sitting right at the top of the article, and I'd move all your images to the right hand side of the screen. This would give a better narrative flow for those who are literary minded, and leave the purty pictures for the illiterate. (If you're illiterate, then you can't read this. So piss off) Oh, and a very specific one: "...evade their clutches. <End paragraph> The element of..." And one more specific: __NOEDITSECTION__ (Or is that section edit - I always get that one mixed up...) |
| Images: | 7.0 | Again, good images, but I'm not impressed with where they are.
The only thing I could look at as an improvement here is the second image's caption. There's something else that I would like to have in it's place, but I can't put my finger on it. Or maybe just bold and italic much the same way that you've done the example in here to give the right feel. If you add more text to the article, then I would add another image as well, but the balance you have at the moment is good. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.5 | I've averaged out the scores above and then added a little more as there is also the "indefinable" element in this that I like. |
| Final Score: | 37.5 | Definite VFH contender. It's gold, but it's tarnished. A little spit and elbow grease and it's wedding bells on the horizon. |
| Reviewer: | Pup 01:40, 7 July 2009 (UTC) | |