Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Become An Hero
HowTo:Become An Hero[edit source]
An Hero is an internet meme, just so you know. --Dorkadorkreece 08:38, May 4, 2011 (UTC)
Ill take this one --ShabiDOO 21:53, May 4, 2011 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5 | Disclaimer: This is my own personal view and not representative of uncyclopedians, i speak only for myself.
Okay...so you are writing an article on a major super extra sensitive topic (the suicide of a troubled young white american darling boy). This article, in my humble opinion has to be not only FUUUUUUUNY, but funny for the right reasons and funny in the right places. Its written in a way that could get there with some work, and as far as I see it, its just not quite there, and in its current form, is not only a little offensive but also amunition to make articles here seem provocative and controversial. Just my opinion but: provoking is good, controversial is good, but not at the expense of both cyber bullying and not being FUNNY in the right way. What do i mean by being funny in the right way? By taking an angle of the story and making fun of it. From what I see so far, the article makes fun of the spelling of fellow school children who lost their friend (who called their dead friend AN HERO) different pictures showing suicide, and continuing the myth that he killed himself for an ipod, which from the various soruces I read last night show that this is unfounded. Those are angles which might be funny if it was say, Michael Jackson who did it, but from my very subjective point of view, a troubled school boy...it just seems over the top obscene and cyber bullying to me. Now, if the angle of the article was, say, making fun of people who propel the myth, this would be a great opportunity to both be super extra clever as a writer and also do a service to the guy whose already been cyber fucked all over the internet. the most disturbing parts of this article to me are showing a happy picture of the boy and the image of his tombstone and ipod at the end of the article. Its just more bitter acid for a sad story. This all being said, the article can be changed around by leaving much of the content here and still accomplishing both things 1) writing in a very clever way and 2)still sticking to the topic...and even leaving most of the pictures. This all being said, I dont hate this article, I just find it disturbing in the state it is in. Funny things: It is really creative, i dont know if this is sporked from ED or not, it was clever to follow the dialogue about how to be an hero, the use of bad grammar is funny, the divisions of the sections are funny, even the list is sort of funny and im not a fan of lists and the progression from do you want to be a hero? get a friend to steal the ipod, then do it...its actually all very funny. The pictures are really really funny, especially the one with the skull. How to make the humour work in the way I said before?: |
| Concept: | 5 | This article is about as great as a one line concept could get. Ideas about making it multi layered? It wouldnt be too hard to either make it a thinly veiled article about the boy without clearly mentioning him. This would be the easier route. You can take another recent death and super impose it over this one with occasional references to him. It would take time to come up with the right person but it could be done easily.
slightly more challenging would be to make his death synonymous with ED´s own demise (as this was a very controversial ED article, even though i havent read it. The article could be adapted to seem like its about the eventual death of Encyclopedia Dramatica with a couple references to who the story is based on. However, far more challenging would be to make this article debunk the whole story to begin with. Is there a way to keep the spirit of the article but still making it clear that he was a disturbed kid who didnt kill himself just over an ipod? Is there a way to make fun of the people who claim he killed himself over something so rediculously petty? Is there a way to use to the ipod to symbolise his own mental problems? Can you vilify people who smeared him all over the internet? Can you basically do a parody on the very article you are writing? Its not easy, but i think it would turn out to be a very incredible if not special article on this site if you could pull it off. |
| Prose and formatting: | 9 | Prose is good. |
| Images: | 9 | A very good selection of photos. |
| Miscellaneous: | 1 | 1 point for an encouraging pat on the shoulder to think about the article, what it is and what you are trying to say. Humour can attack even the most sensitive hardest topic and do something constructive or at the very least thought provoking. See Gay for instance, while still making fun of the situation this article turns homophobia around on itself and makes fun of everyone.
Your article is good for what it is, but ask yourself if you can change it from what is just seemingly a jab at sad tragedy to something along the lines of even the article Suicide which pushes boundries, makes you think but doesnt rub lemon into anyones wound. Even if in some way completely different to my recommentations. |
| Final Score: | 29 | That being said, this is, and despite the language I used, simply my humble opinion, perhaps the majority of the users like the article the way it is, and it wouldnt be a bad idea to ask for a couple other opinions and or another pee review from a different user. But, as ive been hinting at, your article is clever, and im sure you are clever enough to morph it into something allong the lines of Gay and or Suicide. |
| Reviewer: | --ShabiDOO 22:28, May 4, 2011 (UTC)Insert | |
I took many of your ideas, and fixed the "origins" so that it makes fun of the trolls who started it. I left the howto: instructions largely the same. I also mentioned ED. Thanks for the advice. Do I just resubmit to pee review for another review?--
- Yes, to submit a new one, just start a new one and put (revised) after the title in brackets. Good luck. --ShabiDOO 22:03, May 5, 2011 (UTC)
Dorkadorkreece 21:55, May 5, 2011 (UTC)