Uncyclopedia:Departure of Fun/Unstory(sentence)/Old

Trixie's Story

Trixie the Dancing Pony woke up with the sun shining in her eyes, so she brayed and woke up Sam, who she went home with the night before as a woman, but was transformed on the way back to 89th street from 46th. Then, suddenly, an enormous piano fell on Trixie, crushing her as flat as a ponycake. Yet still she lived. Which made it so much more tragic when the bed exploded due to faulty springs, blowing Trixie sky high. Just to keep this story going, and to the annoyance Hardwick Fundlebuggy, Trixie spontaneously turned immortal so nothing sould kill her. Except, of course, a small lump of anti-immortality from the planet Krrrraaarg, which co-incidentally, happened to be heading straight for Trixie right at that very moment, and then, before anyone could stop it, it just missed her by a whisker, arf arf. The massive planet Krrrraaarg continued past Trixie and collided with the planet Earth, destroying it, for the most part. Everything, actually, except Trixie. Fortunately for Sam (above), Sam had already died, but that is beside the point, although Trixie was glad because she hated Sam, so she turned back into a person again, yet still immortal, with all the anti-immortality in the universe destroyed by the Krrrraaarg-Earth incident.

"Now what do I do?", thought Trixie, as she looked around at absolutely nothing. A booming voice came down from what was apparently heaven. "Nothing.", it said, "But there will be a magic show at 03:00". "Damn," thought Trixie. Then, without warning, she woke up, and there she was, back in her old room, surrounded by half empty baked bean tins and vodka bottles. It was just a dream. Fearing for her life, Trixie wondered if she was still immortal, and decided to find out. After jumping off a cliff into some electrified barbed wire, she was relieved to know that she was still an immortal person. However, after 500 hundred years of being skewed on a pointy fence which electrocuted her perpetually, not being able to move because of her shattered limbs and spine, Trixie began to think that maybe, immortality isn’t all that great. Then she was hit by a bus, driven over a cliff, pounded into the earth at 900 miles per hour, attacked by a small group of woodland creatures, blown up, diced, steamed and basted in a nice custard sauce. "Ouch!" exclaimed Trixie. She was, as all of our characters are, eaten by a grue.

4 million years later, the Autobots and Decepticons are reactivated. Turning trixie back into a pony, whereupon she used her breakdancing skillz to escape the grue. Trixie ate 100 strepsils and got HIV unfortunately.

THE END

The Zork Controller

Meanwhile, high in orbit, the Zork Controller calmly observed these events with his cold, calculating eyes. Somewhere, he sensed, there was a zork, and it was out of control - which really bugged him.

"Main screen turn on," the Zork Controller wispered into his tiny microphone. He watched into the screen as he saw a person he recognised, and exclaimed "It's You!"

"How are you gentlemen," the figure in the screen cooly remarked, greatly confusing the Zork Controller, since he was the only one in the room. "All your base are belong to us and even thought i can not talk properly i will kick ur butt to the end of never never land!!"

Filipe from the other Unstory wondered what was happening.

"You are on the way to destruction," a voice boomed in his head. He then pulled a piece of paper from his pocket that read:

"In the event that the Purchaser defaults in the payment of any instalment of purchase price, taxes, insurance, interest, or the annual charge described elsewhere herein, or shall default in the performance of any other obligations set forth in this Contract, the Seller may: at his option: (a) Declare immediately due and payable the entire unpaid balance of purchase price, with accrued interest, taxes, and annual charge, and demand full payment thereof, and enforce conveyance of the land by termination of the contract or according to the terms hereof, in which case the Purchaser shall also be liable to the Seller for reasonable attorney's fees for services rendered by any attorney on behalf of the Seller, or (b) sell said land and premises or any part thereof at public auction, in such manner, at such time and place, upon such terms and conditions, and upon such public notice as the Seller may deem best for the interest of all concerned, consisting of advertisement in a newspaper of general circulation in the county or city in which the security property is located at least once a week for Three (3) successive weeks or for such period as applicable law may require and, in case of default of any purchaser, to re-sell with such postponement of sale or resale and upon such public notice thereof as the Seller may determine, and upon compliance by the Purchaser with the terms of sale, and upon judicial approval as may be required by law, convey said land and premises in fee simple to and at the cost of the Purchaser, who shall not be liable to see to the application of the purchase money; and from the proceeds of the sale: First to pay all proper costs and charges, including but not limited to court costs, advertising expenses, auctioneer's allowance, the expenses, if any required to correct any irregularity in the title, premium for Seller's bond, auditor's fee, attorney's fee, and all other expenses of sale occurred in and about the protection and execution of this contract, and all moneys advanced for taxes, assessments, insurance, and with interest thereon as provided herein, and all taxes due upon said land and premises at time of sale, and to retain as compensation a commission of five percent (5%) on the amount of said sale or sales; SECOND, to pay the whole amount then remaining unpaid of the principal of said contract, and interest thereon to date of payment, whether the same shall be due or not, it being understood and agreed that upon such sale before maturity of the contract the balance thereof shall be immediately due and payable; THIRD, to pay liens of record against the security property according to their priority of lien and to the extent that funds remaining in the hands of the Seller are available; and LAST, to pay the remainder of said proceeds, if any, to the vendor, his heirs, personals representatives, successors or assigns upon the delivery and surrender to the vendee of possession of the land and premises, less costs and excess of obtaining possession."

Fortunately for the Zork Controller, if he read this he'd of got SEHS, but he didn't, so he didn't. He just got crabs. Nobody knew how, considering that the ZC had never been near anything or anyone in his life. Yet sometimes as he lay awake at three in the morning, he was gripped by the fear that it might just have been due to an out of control Zork. Then, as he was thinking BHAM! A huge mango came hurtling from out of nowhere and struck the Zork controller on the side of the head! "Ow," he said, "that's one voluptorous fruit! It's almost ... how can I put it ... zoopy." Suddenly, because the Zork Controller had finally said the word, it entered the Oxford English Undictionary. All of the Martians that were visiting held a very large party to celebrate such an exciting event, and they had food such as melons and nolems. However, Oscar Wilde was then murdered, and Chronarion decided to take it out. So, he went looking for a random Emo-Kid to do the dirty job for him. However, every emo kid he met slit their wrists, so he gave up and ate a zoopy, voluptorous mango with the Zork Controller. And thus it was decided that the realm of mangoes can exist no longer.

Now, of course, as all of our charactors are, the Zork Controller was to be eaten by a grue.

Let's review our plot so far:

We have an industry that is afraid of technology, its senior spokespeople lie to congress, they use Enron-like accounting, they somehow --WHOOPS -- forget to pay their artists, they are convicted price fixers, at the first sign of any kind of an economic rebound their instinct is to raise prices, they have ignored competitive pressures from other forms of entertainment such as DVDs, they ignore the devastatingly negative effects of radio ownership consolidation to their business model, they engage in all kinds of anti-competitive protectionism, they are unconcerned with the quality of their product, their customers are harried for time and distracted by other interests, their customers see nothing wrong with downloading music for free, some of their biggest stars are hoping the Internet will replace the labels, despite all too many signs that their product is over priced, they refuse to allow market forces to set competitive prices, they have consistently been one of the most mismanaged businesses in history, oh, and they somehow think they are immune from the business cycle; they are wrong, because cesspools have been doing that for centuries without end. AND they eat purple llamas. What jackasses. Seriously, once they made Kimberly Leigh cry. You shouldn't do that, it offends people who are offended by things that make Kimberly Leigh cry.

Continuing with our story, the Zork Controller gasped as an entity entered the room which without a doubt would end his life and tie up all plot points in 20 minutes. It immediately liquified the zork controllers controlers leaving him without much to do, thus ending his part in the story.

At the same moment, but thousands of lightyears away, Jack's finger hovered over the button that would end humanity forever. "This is maddness", Jack thought to himself as he flicked a piece of debris off the Destroy Unstory button. "Someone has to stop this... But who?" Chuck norris ofc becus he was playing world of warcraft at the time but the cheese kept repeating on him. Of course, everyone ignored him. Then Jack though to himself, "wait a cotton pickin' minute, what about the secret orange button?" Then BatFink appered and said "MEY WEENGZ ARE LIEK A SHEID UV SEETL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111110284050467058080chair!" Once again, Nobody cared. At the same time, but millions of lightyears away in space, the Zork war fleet materialized over the peace-loving planet of Gadzook. The Gadzookians had just finished one of their week-long drum circle orgies and were in no condition to run away from the Zork war fleet, so they simply lay there like dead fish and took a pounding. This marked the beginning of the cold war. It was so named because space is cold a lot. Seemingly, a conglomerate of battlestars erupted from the suns of one million solar systems all set to destroy the earth to preserve the balance of pain and death in the universe. But they too, were tired from the relentless pounding they took from their respective Sun-Gods, so they merely set their phasers to "Stun" instead of "Kill". This allowed the Zorks to beat the Sun-Gods and continued to have sex with a Nun chocolate donut. The chocalate doughnut was not pleased with this. Suddenly, David Bowie appeared out of nowhere and proceeded to sexify the chocolate donut nun, which was very hot, and caused all the Zorks watching to explode in their pants. In fact, so sexy was this sudden and unexpected thickening of the plot that many of the Zorks (who had just creamed their pants) realized that this masterful tapestry of a plot they found themselves intricately woven into reminded them very strongly of a penis enlargement ad they had seen recently. After remembering this ad, the Zorks decided it was time to go home- to Toshi station- and maybe mess around with their friends to pick up a few power converters. And brutally rape them in a very strange way.