UnNews:Wikia CEO contracts Hepatitis B, world celebrates

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7 January 2013

One beer... I promise.

Wikia headquarters, USA -- After a hard night on the town shortly after losing one of their biggest sources of income, Mexican liquor and Philipino lady boys, Wikia CEO Jimbo Wales allegedly woke up with a splitting headache and a severe case of Hep B. Whether this STI was contracted due to gay butt sex is unknown at this point but this reporter says "Yes, yes it was."

Now because Hepatitis B is at least five hundred times worse for your liver than deep Southern moonshine many people have begun speculating that Jimbo may croak at any point. Nobody is all that sad, in fact many have begun with "Hurry up and die" parties, some even going so far as to place a "Voodoo curse" on young Jimbo. Wikia staff on the other hand where of course initially saddened by the news of their overlords ill health but have proceeded onto the "if he dies I get a promotion and raise" phase. Spirits have never been higher here at Wikia HQ and no sir that is totally unrelated to the fact responsibility of the kids at Uncyclopedia has been finally lifted from their shoulders!

So raise your glasses if you are rich (or if you are poor like me, your 10 quid bottle of scotch) to an ill Jimbo Wales which is causing the world much happiness without the need for my pants to be off or on fire.

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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.