UnNews:We are being controlled again
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
14 March 2013
UnNews, PLACEBO -- Early late yesterday morning we received, today, a healthily threatening e-mail from a semi-official guard dog agency called Internet web humour A-guard B. The introduction ran thus:
"This e-mail has been sent to all major comedy websites. From this day on, all humorous articles throughout the Internet will be patrolled by our agency. We will not limit our duties to observing the correctivity of punctuation and overall language, but will also enforce rigorous standards on the humour content of any comedic article. This patrolling will take effect immediately."
This took us somewhat aback - comedic control? - but once we had read through the set of rules, we could only agree: indeed, this is how humour should be written. Now, on reflection, we are honestly amazed that nobody else had noticed it yet. Maybe it just took some strength of will and capability of really independent thought...? After a quick exchange of e-mails, UnNews managed to arrange a face-to-face interview with Internet web humour A-guard B's spokesman, John "Johnny" Johnson. The following excerpt contains the most important parts of the interview.
UnNews: "How useful do you actually see these attempts at controlling comedic writing? I mean, I'm all for it, obviously. I belong to the right-thinking section of Uncyclopedia!!"
JJJ: "Steps are being taken, things are being done. Progress is being made. Some things are best left unsaid. Boner."
UnNews: "Are you quite certain of boner? I don't mean to suspect your efficiency, but... let me tell you something. Even Uncyclopedia is pretty hard to control at times, let alone all Internet. Are you certain you will succeed?"
JJJ: "Young lady, you would be wise not to take that attitude. We are very serious about butt poop."
UnNews: "Lady?"
JJJ: "Yes."
This reporter is very excited about the prospect of seeing the Internet patrolled by this vigorous bunch of bristlingly healthy manhood. If I wanted a child, it would be theirs. I can already feel their batons slide back and forth in the scabbards when they bash in the heads of comedic wrongdoers. I'm afraid I cannot concentrate on writing this article any more this day, and forgive this rambling, but there seems to be something in the air that prevents my brain from working correctly. I will definitely be interviewing these people again very soon. Oh yeah.