UnNews:Voters agree on critical election issue
|
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
6 October 2008
Endless Tickertape Parade, Everywhere Poll results from the latest nationwide surveys of people who bother to answer 1-800 numbers opened a brand new avenue of pursuit for the desperate presidential candidates, now in the final month of spending piles of money for the chance to run a debt-ridden, expansionist empire further into the ground.
Phone surveyor Smooth Operator explained: "We were having a lot of difficulty getting survey participants to answer our questions seriously. People appeared to be disinterested, based on the high incidents of people 'strongly agreeing' to have their souls removed by men in blood-stained overcoats rather than answer any more survey questions about the election coverage." She paused to buy some t-shirts online.
"...where was I... oh. Then, our next survey opened with: 'Do you agree that the election itself is the number one issue facing America today?' 97% of respondents were livid that the 2008 presidential election must be dealt with as soon as possible for the sake of America's future. 95% were in support of allocating $700 billion immediately for time travel research to prevent this particular election from ever happening. A mere 0.02%, responding exclusively from within the 'underground bunker' area code were in support of acting swiftly to prevent this and all future elections with the nuclear option."
Meanwhile, the word on the street is that Cthulhu is still showing a strong lead over Skeletor, in spite of Skeletor's recent speeches claiming, with great admiration, that Cthulhu was clearly "prolonging the election" using "base evil".
Sources[edit | edit source]
Shammy Election