UnNews:Uncyclopedia officially declares war on Wikipedia
1 March 2009
WIKIA.COM, T3H INTERNETZ — After years of copyright infringement, parodying, insults, lying, and blaspheming, Uncyclopedia has had enough of that stupid "free" encyclopedia, Wikipedia, and has officially declared war on it. Founder Oscar Wilde had this to say about Wikipedia:
“It is a truly terrible and powerful thing; and therefore must be destroyed before it tries to huff us all.”
And he's right. Jimbo Wales (Wikipedia's dorky founder) not only owns the tyrant Wikipedia, but also Wikia.com, which, in case you are stupidly unobservant and have never heard of a "ULR", is the owner of this site. Therefore, you must not let Jimbo know we're trying to kill him, or we're all dead, understand? Yes? Good, then I'll trust you, person-who-I-hope-is-not-Jimbo-Wales, to not rat us out.
- 1 Our Top-Secret Plans
- 2 What if Jimbo finds out about this? Or if Wikipedia has really good security?
- 3 Why now and not when that bastard parody website was created?
- 4 Won't Jimbo Wales be pissed when he finds out you guys took over Wikipedia?
- 5 Well, he'd still own Wikia, and he can buy another computer...
- 6 I doubt this will work.
- 7 Because I am Jimbo Wales!
Our Top-Secret Plans
Since we may be huffed at any time when Jimbo finds out about this, we're attempting a surprise attack (perhaps a Blitzkrieg), in hopes we may disable the dreaded "delete" button on Jimmy's computer. Once we've accomplished that, we're gonna innocently flood Wikipedia's (incorrect) article on pr0n at exactly 5:15pm tomorrow. Hopefully, we'll weaken the server with this attack. Then, at 5:30 pm tomorrow, we'll get some specialists to haXX0r into Wikipedia's mainframe and launch a denial-of-service attack against Wikipedia. If all goes according to plan, Wikipedia will be rendered useless, and we will quickly delete all the lying articles and replace them with Uncyclopedia's truthful and informative articles. And, we'll get all the money donated to Wikipedia as spoils of war. Hooray!
What if Jimbo finds out about this? Or if Wikipedia has really good security?
We here at Uncyclopedia don't think that far ahead. Helps us think we have a fighting chance.
Should our attack fail, we'll simply push Oscar Wilde, our leader, in front of Wikipedia's counter-attack. It's what all losing armies do when they suck.
Why now and not when that bastard parody website was created?
We waited until Oscar Wilde was resurrected (what, you think he lived to be 200?). It took some time for Oscar Wilde to dig himself out of his own grave, and we really needed someone to push in front of our enemy's attack in case of an emergency. But now he's managed to get out, and we're ready to mount our attack.
Won't Jimbo Wales be pissed when he finds out you guys took over Wikipedia?
And your point is...?
Well, he'd still own Wikia, and he can buy another computer...
I doubt this will work.
Oh, and why is that?
Because I am Jimbo Wales!
In that case, you are a bastard and I do not need to respe-...*
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|