UnNews:US overwhelmed by gun-toting married homosexuals

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Sunday, June 28, 2015

The South Carolina Capitol bathed in Saturday sun.

The last bastions of heterosexuality in the US were overcome yesterday, as gun-toting married homosexuals swept across the land, enforcing a rather camp form of martial law.

Under the constitution of the "US of Gay", the following acts were approved:

  • All Confederate flags in the south are to be replaced by Rainbow flags. The first flag to be changed, was, symbolically, that of the South Carolina Capitol.
  • In the future, Confederate flags may not be sold, except on the black market (a form of affirmative action).
  • Anyone partaking in any form of racial hate crime will be made to attend a "de-programming course" led by a big. well-hung muscular black man named Leroy.
  • Gun control: only homosexual Americans are allowed to buy and possess firearms. All gun owners will have to pass a rigorous course, proving their responsible gunmanship and flagrant homosexuality.
  • Obamacare: citizens found complaining about the Affordable Care Act will instantly have their health insurance revoked and be promptly shot in the genitals.
  • All tax levies on moisturisers are to be removed.

Conservative chain-rattler Rush Limbaugh told UnNews: " Oh my God. We finally really did it. You Maniacs! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"