UnNews:US accuses Iran of poor fashion sense
12 February 2007
In the latest escalation in tensions with Iran the USA military accused Iranians of "appalling taste" in keeping abreast of the latest fashions. Pentagon officials accused the Iranian government of "consistently being at least five seasons out of date, darling.". Amongst the harrowing images shown during a compelling presentation in Washington were Iranian men wearing "gay looking" sandals "with socks" and cheap, ill fitting "easy iron" shirts with clip on ties no less. If true this represents grim news for all the nay sayers and apologists who have been pushing for a diplomatic solution to the growing crisis.
Some of the images included alleged wearing of lime green trousers and yellow vests, some were too harrowing to show on a family interweb site. Nevertheless US military advisers are thought to be pushing for the preemptive use of nuclear weapons against strategic targets within Iran thought to be involved in setting trends in Iran.
Iran has long thought to have a network of illegal clothes factories. Intelligence sources suggest that the regime may be "within two years" of securing a lucrative contract to sell white, towelling socks and polyester tracksuits to other rogue states such as North Korea and France.
General Shortzdick was grave in his assessment of this new evidence, "this would be a nightmare scenario that, quite frankly could trigger World War 3" he said this morning, wearing an astonishing Jean Paul Gaultier silk sarong ($12,000) offset with an ostentatious Calvin Klien Neckerchief ($1,200) with a splendidly fabulous Givenchy head scarf ($130,000).
Oh I could've eaten him up!
- BBC "Oh those blimmin baddies WANNA kill us all!." BBC, Feburary 12, 2007