UnNews:Travolta blames mispronunciation on Thetans

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6 March 2014
Hollywood heartthrob John Travolta has apologised for mispronouncing Idina Menzel's name, blaming the gaffe on "bad body Thetans."

The scientologist told the press, "It's my own fault. I had left it too long since my last cleansing, and the Thetans got the best of me. I felt them rising up inside me like a bad wind - that's why I said 'wickedly' all weird."

Travolta has widely been mocked online for calling Menzel "Adele Dazeem", but the hairy 55 year old denied the charge. "If you really listen closely at the end, I am not saying anything coherent. Those sounds - if you can call them sounds - coming out of my mouth are just the product of demonic space creatures writhing in my oesophagus. It's the same phenomenon which makes a fart in a bathtub sound like 'Shia Leboeuf'."

Travolta said he had called Menzel to personally apologise, but that the singer had told him there was "no need to", and was reportedly not upset at the gazillion people who didn't give a fuck about her yesterday suddenly knowing her name.