UnNews:The Tragically Hip cancel swimming plans
31 August 2008
Public swimming pool, Neighborhood Obscure rockers The Tragically Hip reversed their collective band decision to go swimming for a change instead of rocking out today. Their planned outing to the pool came to an abrupt halt without so much as a foot dipped in water unexpectedly when a sudden consensus was made by long time band members that totally overruled their previous decision.
"The hip wishes to apologize to their admiring fans that have gathered here today, " gym manager Karen Treadmill spoke through the reverberating PA system installed in the 1960's "but they do not, I repeat not want to swim. Once again, but more slowly, so you can hear underwater, t h e ... h i p ... h a v e ... l e f t ... t h e ... p o o l.". Eight out of the 14 people at the event then toweled themselves off and left, scowling.
In a seemingly unrelated development, people were seen fleeing New Orleans alongside all land-dwelling creatures at a ferocious pace. "McCain is coming! Run, fool, run- the other way!" shouted people clutching prized possessions and pets.
McCain, indeed preparing for a visit with a large number of photographers in New Orleans, denied his visit had anything to do with any kind of hip injury. McCain is instead scheduled to single-handedly save the life of a drowning elderly woman using only his jaw early this coming week and is also well known to be of great strategic benefit in times of crisis as a floating landing strip.
- My memory's as muddy as this river that I'm in "If New Orleans is sinking man then." I don't want to swim, Presently