UnNews:Scientists discover Lucas' Farce
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
25 September 2007
URANUS - Scientists in a secret laboratory on the planet Uranus have discovered The Farce, the mysterious entity popularized--some say invented--by George Lucas, the renowned racist and sexist producer of the Star Bores film series. In these films, Dark Invader, Onion Bun, Luke Skywriter, Yodel, and other Jello Knights are inhabited by microscopic organisms known, collectively, as mini-chlorines. These germs make up what the Jello Knights call The Farce.
“May the Farce be with you,” Jello Knights often say to one another in the Lucas films, the greeting one of the many examples of the bad terrible dialogue for which Lucas is known. The producer is also famous--or notorious, depending upon one’s point of view--for such sexist characters as Princess Lay-me and Princess Pet-me I’m-a-dolly and for the racist characters Jarhead Binx and Wattle. His characterization techniques, in fact, launched a new method of depicting personality that is discussed, ad infinitum, in Uncyclopedia’s How to create fantastic fantasy characters and make a million-gazillion dollars.
In a study, scientists took the mini-chlorines into space with them to investigate the effects of zero gravity on the germs. Much to their amazement, the germs became much stronger. Mice which were fed the mini-chlorines developed the ability to wield the same light sabers that the Jello Knights brandish, and one of them is said to have bested Yodel, a Master Jello Knight, in single combat. It is believed that Yodel, Dark Invader, and Luke Skywriter might have ingested these super-mini-chlorines as a food additive. “That would explain their unusual prowess with the light sabers and other phallic objects,” Lucas agrees.
The discovery of the changes in the mini-chlorines could represent a breakthrough in the treatment of the Dark Side of The Farce and its side-effects, from which Dark Anal Invader and other Jello Knights have suffered.
Scientists are blaming the changes to the germs that cause The Farce on low fluid shear, a term they coined to explain the changes to the germs that cause The Farce: “Being cultured in microgravity means the force of the liquid passing over the cells is low," Dr. Cheryl Nickerson, an associate professor at the Center for Infectious Diseases and Vaccinology at Arizona State Univeristy pointed out, adding, “The cells are responding not to microgravity, but indirectly to microgravity in the low fluid shear effects."
The changes were examples of how mini-chlorines act in a changed environment, Nickerson contended. “Like Madonna or George Lucas himself, the minute they sense a different environment, they change their genetic machinery so they can survive.”
In particular, the associate professor cautioned, “we wouldn’t want to administer them per anum, as by enema, as the gastrointestinal tract has a natural low shear, which could promote the evolution of an especially aggressive strain at stool of mini-chlorines and a nasty case of diarrhea, as in Dark Invader’s and Dark Mall’s cases.”
Lucas says, “May The Farce be with you.”
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