UnNews:Scientists: Shape of hot dog should be changed because current shape is a choking hazard; Seriously though, your whore mother is dead
|
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
15 July 2015
Earth, THE MILKY WAY GALAXY - Hot dogs have been generally the same size and shape since their invention over 100 years ago. But now, scientists from diverse backgrounds across the planet agree that the shape, a common choking hazard, needs to be changed because your fat whore of a mother is dead.
"We hate that it has come to this," lead scientist Hanz Houck said to you before the shock of your mother's death had even set in, "but after finding your fifty cent whore of a mother dead, we know this is best for everyone."
"The world lost a great, irreplaceable woman today," your mother's gnarled pimp said to you shortly after her lifeless, slack-jawed body was roughly mashed in plastic and taken away. "I give these scientists my full support. We've been giving these killers to kids... Kids, man!"
According to the emergency personnel that arrived on the scene, the disgusting, hairy monstrosity of a woman who you knew as "Mother" had been eating the hot dog in question sans bun. She had also elected to not chew, instead attempting to swallow it whole, something she had been known to be "More comfortable with."
"The killer hot dog was of the 'Bun-Length' variety, but had only been half swallowed upon the last breaths taken by that dimwitted cum-dumpster mother of yours," the coroner said to you as you gazed upon the woman who once birthed you through her illustrious nether-regions. "I just wish science had stepped in sooner to change the shape of those damned hot dogs," he continued, "before something like this happened."
The scientists, who are said to be distraught, promised to do better next time. They are now debating the shape of all sausages, and many are looking to condemn the shape of them before your indignant twat of a sister gets killed too.