UnNews:Savage Butter Knife Murderer Strikes Again

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3 April 2008

Definitely NOT the butter knife involved in the murders

The small town of London in South East England (excluding name, area, currency, country, monarchy and government the town is of no relation to the capital city of the UK) has today been rocked by a further two murders. This brings the total murders in the town to eight in the last four days. Police are now certain that all these murders are linked and are looking for eye-witness information and leads. They released a statement earlier today.

Police Inspector Jessie, head of the case:

The inhabitants of London are now trying to work out just what's happened to them. There's a tripled police presence with Bob, Tom and Davey prowling around town, but people are still nervous. One local farmer told us of his fears and how the town seemed to be falling apart.

Racist Hillbilly Farmer with a sing-song voice:

We interviewed most other members of the shaken community and quickly realised how little anyone, including us, cared about this town or the murders. What's more is we didn't want to care about the place and the people, because it was a disgusting dirty hovel filled with horrible people. Even the hospitals don't care about this place and if you ever dial the emergency services from the town they just laugh at you and then put down.

Stupid Old Cow:

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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.