UnNews:Russia: We won

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15 August 2006

Look! I've got one thumb for each country! (Putin)

MOSCOW, Russia -- Following the cease fire agreement in Lebanon, the Russian prime minister, Vladimir Putin declared the following in yet another televised interview.

We won! and now if you'll excuse me I really have to take a shower (Nasrallah)

"In every altercation with Hezbollah and Israel, our soldiers had the upper hand. Hezbollah leaders and Israeli leaders went into hiding and are both lying. We will continue to hunt them down anytime, anywhere". In addition, Putin promised that his country would advance efforts to smash the crap out of everybody even further over the next several years.

We won! Now if you'll excuse me, my colon has just prolapsed. (Olmert)

According to the Prime Minister, there were also shortcomings in managing the situation that will needed to be examined. "We won't hide or sweep anything under the rug, but we won't be unnecessarily harsh. We don't have the patience to wallow in arguments".

He called for the Israeli and Hezbollah governments to fall to their knees and beg mercy from the Russian soldiers.

Putin made it clear that Russia absorbed absolutely no damages during the war, but added that "Israel has made it clear to the world that it will not accept attacks on it,” he said, adding that the UN Resolution may result in a fundamental change in the situation along the Eastern border.

Sources

• Yuri of the former KGB