UnNews:Radical Muslim to be Contestant on Deal or No Deal

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8 February 2007

Izzadeen tragically suffers from chronic piles

LETHARGY CROSSING, England -- Muslim firebrand Abu Izzadeen is to try his luck on UK tea-time quiz Deal or no Deal. The show, hosted by self-proclaimed Messiah Noel Edmonds, has enjoyed huge success with its simple premise in which contestants are offered thousands of pounds only to piss it up the wall to the delight of a rabid crowd high on a cocktail of drugs.

Abu was gushing with praise for the show (now approaching its 87,000th edition): "It is a testament to the wonderfully selfish attitudes of modern society. The sight of a grown man crying bitterly after winning £30,000 but realising he could have won more than £100,000 is truly a joy to behold, I mean for Christ's sake he's just won £30,000 and he looks like his family has just been eaten by a giant squid or something!"

Noel Who? Get off my land!

Izzadeen, real name Trevor, is said to be looking forward to meeting his hero Noel Edmonds. "He has a remarkable calming influence on the contestants - let's see how calming he is when he sees what I have strapped to my chest, mwah hahaha haaa!" Abu said this morning, stroking a white cat and dropping one of his henchmen through a trapdoor into a crocodile pit.

Previous contestant Abu Hamza wished Abu luck from his jail cell last night: "I hope he has better luck than me! I only won 1p to send off to my wives in Afghanistan."

When asked what he would do should he win the top prize of £250,000 Izadeen smiled, "I too have many wives and brothers in Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iraq. They are all much in need of moneys for foods, medicines, books and C4 explosives. I can only hope to do my bit in making their lives more comfortable."

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