UnNews:New Scotland to secede from Great Britain
Thursday, September 18, 2014
EDINBURGH, Scotland -- Anticipating a close victory in a vote for secession from Mediocre Britain today, Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond announced the re-establishment of the Scottish Empire by reclaiming the fledgling Scottish colony of New Scotland from its present Canadian overlords.
Salmond will also be claiming the remote Scottish outpost New Scotland Yard as part of its sprawling empire.
Initial reaction from New Scottish premier Stephen McNeil has been favourable. "Och, laddies," he explained, "we've been living under Canadian oppression since 1867 and it's right bloody time the Scottish Empire stood up, kilts and all, to be counted".
Canadian prime minister Stephen Harper was too busy building "firewalls around Alberta" to comment, beyond a simple "let the eastern bastards freeze in the dark for all I care", a sentiment echoed by his Calgary constituents.
New England, on the other hand, is expected to remain steadfastly loyal, oh bother, scratch that, they're the blimey buggers who dumped the gov'nors tea in the harbour.
Maybe it is time to sell off British pounds and start buying up New Scottish currency. Currently trading at $0.10 CAD, it has a picture of the Bluenose schooner on one side and is bound to be worth something at the new Scottish bank which will be set up if the English try to keep RBOS.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Allie MicMac "Neigh, lads, let's rebuild the capital of the New Scottish empire" New Edinburgh Daily Haddock, New Scotland, July 1, 1867