UnNews:Mitt Romney breaking down, in need of repairs
10 December 2012
Las Vegas, Nevada --
In the month following his election defeat, a growing number of robotics experts have come forward to report that automaton Mitt Romney may have a potentially serious hardware issue, while programmers assert that the problem is more likely a software glitch, or possibly malware.
Though this may come as a surprise to the general public, despite Romney's many bizarre and much discussed gaffes and missteps, there has been quiet speculation about it in the tech world since the early days of the campaign. When asked why they waited till the election was over to begin addressing the issue publicly, robotics expert Harcourt Fenton Mudd said, "The last thing you want to be perceived as doing is meddling in the democratic process. Anyway, the Romney campaign had a top notch roster of computer and robotics experts for their in-house tech support. So most of us felt there was no need to wade into the issue publicly. However, I do know that as Romney's strange behaviour and statements multiplied towards the end of the campaign, some of my colleagues did offer their services privately, but they were turned down."
The latest public malfunction was Mitt Romney's strange visit Saturday night to Manny Pacquiao's dressing room at the MGM Grand Garden Arena, as the fighter readied himself for a much anticipated bout with acclaimed boxer, Juan Manuel Marquez.
The former candidate reportedly required two attempts to enter the room, having failed the first time. Once he was successfully positioned in front of Pacquiao, with the apparent aid of a technician who was seen furiously manipulating an adapted PS3 controller, a broadly smiling Romney, his lips clearly not moving, blared, "Hi, Manny. I'm Mitt Romney. I ran for president. I lost."
This was not the first time since the campaign that this sort of glitch is known to have occurred. Two weeks ago at a West Virginia McDonalds, when asked if he wanted fries with his order, Romney, again smiling and with his lips not moving, replied, "Hi. I'm Mitt Romney. I like Big Bird."
"There are a number of things that can be done," said Mudd. "First off, I would try installing new logic and locomotion circuits. It could be as simple as that. Romney is a significantly older model and these sorts of issues have cropped up with first generation units. With the proper upgrades and refurbishment, theres no reason at all why Romney can't be up and running perfectly for the next election."
Republican Party officials refused to comment for this article.
- "Pacquiao Stunned in Sixth Round." New York Times, December 10, 2012