UnNews:Man hangs himself after accusations of unBritishness

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

26 January 2009

A man who was accused of being "unBritish" was found hanging from his kitchen ceiling today.

Bradley often had to hide the tea from Tibbles who was addicted to the drink before he was violently put down

Bradley Tremor, a 44 year old from Stoke On Trent, was found dead in his kitchen with empty tea bags scattered under his body. Police were informed that the night before Bradley's 'Britishness' had been questioned in relation to the lack of tea he had been drinking of late. It was apparently suggested that Tibbles, the deceased's ex-cat, drank more tea than Bradley; it is thought that it was this comment that drove him over the edge. Once he arrived home Bradley apparently split half a dozen teabags before swallowing their contents, without the aid of hot water and milk, before hanging himself.

When it was asked by the press if Tibbles was a suspect in this case the police said, "Yes" before retracting the comment an hour later and stating that the content of tea in Tibbles blood stream had been high enough to suggest the Cat had been "too chilled out to carry out such an act".

Speaking to the press a little later, the police informed them that Tibbles had been humanely strangled and was to be buried with his former owner.

Sources

• Koalie "Emu playing in and with a cardboard box" www.koalie.net, 2003