UnNews:Mali announces re-christening plans

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Mali Announces Re-christening plans[edit]

5 January, 2006

Despite considerable international disapproval, the African nation of Mali today crossed the picket line, and became the first country in modern history to re-name their land in favour of a corporation. From this day forward, their society shall be known as Nike.

Having struggled with poverty and financial crisis for some decades, Mali was only to happy to accept a lucrative contract from the American based sporting company, reputedly worth over 3 billion pounds in footwear. “That’s almost a shoe per 3 people” proclaimed an ecstatic chief-minister of the treasury Adboulaye Sekou Sow in a press conference earlier this evening. “This deal is indeed a boon to long-struggling, and largely shoeless economy”.

But not everyone is so enthusiastic about the news. Said one disgruntled resident, “I own a fish and chips shop, whose slogan is ‘Freshest fish in all of Mali’. Do you know what it is going to cost me to get it altered?” When asked how fresh his fish actually is, considering Mali is a land-locked, desert country, he replied “Mesa speakee no Ingerlish.”

Quote1.png Mesa speakee no Ingerlish. Quote2.png ~ Disgruntled Nike resident.

This idea is not a new, however. Corporations have been fighting a mainly losing battle with protesters to buy the naming rights of nations for almost a decade. However, such a bold move by the Mali government may prove to be the very victory these companies have been waiting for, and many hope it will prove to be a catalyst for other nations to follow suit. Already, a huge price bid has been occurred for many of the lands on the globe. Said spokesperson Ian Dornalan for photography chain Kodak “While it is doubtful many of the major countries will be interested, as we couldn’t offer them nearly enough to make it worth while, we are hoping other, slightly less powerful places will be more open-minded”.

But these companies aren’t stupid. “We have realised” said Henry Walker, CEO of Kaneka, “Nations are often much more willing to alter their title if your proposal is similar to the original. For example, we are trying to convince Argentina to drop the end “A”, and be called a close-sounding Margarine”.

In following the same guidelines, some of the other countries who have been approached are Chilli, with a proposal of Choc Chill, Panama, with a bid from Panasonic, and even Hungary, with a proposed addition of “Jacks” at the end.

Even charity organisations are jumping on the band wagon. Greenland may become Greenpeace, and Wales could choose to be Save the Wales.

Perhaps the biggest possible coup could be Disney studies gargantuan proposition to Tasmania. If they accept, the studio juggernaught will covert much of the island state into a theme-park, with the name of “Disneyland Down-Under”.

In the controversy of the entire nation- renaming issue has also produced an interesting peace of trivia. Apparently China, early in its history when it was till starting out, accepted a then-large fortune from a prominent pottery company to rename their providence from Quinwa to China.

So, whether the rest of the world adopts Mali’s way of thinking remains to be seen. Be rest assured, UnNews will be right there to keep the public informed.