UnNews:Irish Govt. announces new "most ambitious ever" National Development Plan

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
UnNews Logo Potato.png This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

24 January 2007

One of the many social inclusion plans envisioned by the Irish government.

DUBLIN, Ireland - The Irish government launched its €184 billion National Development Plan, hailing it as the most ambitious plan in Ireland's history. The cash will go towards improving the economic, social and educational infrastructure between now and 2013.

You are here. Somewhere.

€50 billion are due to go on "social inclusion" projects, such as social housing. To solve the accommodation shortage problem, the government has commissioned the building of at least 77 thousand new pubs in Dublin City alone. A new legislation is in the work so that the pubs are no longer forced to close at 11pm, but instead could stay open all night long, thus providing affordable housing to Dubliners (as well as a constant source of Guinness).

€34 billion are going to fund the modernization of the transport infrastructure, specially the buses. Over this total, approximately €33.999999999 billion are going to be used for the creation of a new bus map, the existing one being shown on the right for reference. The new bus map is one of the main concerns of Dubliners, rating much higher than inflation, unemployment, security, racism and the weather. The rest of the money will fund a new coffee machine for the drivers.

The remaining €100 billion will be used in binge drinking, horse and dog-races, casinos and hookers. Finance Minister Brian Cowen said a monitoring committee of leprechaums would ensure that value for money is achieved.


Sources[edit | edit source]